Ep 549: Paw Paw


“Listen to me kid, when you get involved with the opposite sex, you’re only asking for trouble.”

The episodes are always best when we’re well rested, which is what the average Sunday should be used for. I expect nothing less from my little slice of the American Dream. Nothing more, but nothing less. More or less. Time cherished, on the outside at least, but on the inside, it’s all sad kittens and wet dreams. The image of a thirty five year old, washed up and washed out from living the dream so hard, for so many years. It felt good, aside from the dreaded tick tock of the clock, always keeping track, never skipping a beat, dancing, hands together on hips in line with the rotation of the fucking planet. The motherfucking planet. It’s my fixation. Wanting to leave this fucking planet. Not exactly doing what it takes to get there, but soon enough, all it will take is money. Gotta make sure to remember to stop spending all the money. Gotta remember to stop burning all the money. Gotta remember… The planet! Spinning out of control were it not for the gravity. Gotta remember the gravity for allowing the planet to stay in the Goldilocks Zone. It’s all about the gravity.

– This episode is allegedly brought to you by a whole bunch of good ass chronic. In other news, if this was Iraq, I would have cut Danni’s hands off, and received a medal for it. Also if this was Iraq, she apparently would have cut my little pecker off.

– Has your business started playing holiday music? Leave us a message at 406.204.4687, email us info@thejamhole.com or send us a form at the bottom of this page, and tell us all about it. I want to hear how angry you are.

– Jamhole PSA time. Know who your Santa is. Before you set your children on some weird guy’s lap, know who your Santa is.

– If I knew then what I know now, I would have asked my parents to save money for my education. No, I don’t need these bullshit made in China toys, I want you to save that money for my future, and for my education.

– I don’t doubt you. I do down you once in a while, but only when I feel like you deserve it. We’re both growing in this relationship. Although we did have some pretty awesome sex after the show.

– Will somebody buy my husband and I tickets to the UYD Seattle live show? If you get tickets, I’ll give you a ride. Here is the post that came from. If you would like to meet up with us, talk about it in the forums. The show is Friday, January 13th 2012 and it’s going to be FUCKING GREAT!

– Watch the movie “Rampart” with Woody Harrelson. It’s pretty damn good. So is the movie “The Future” apparently. Although it’s super sad kittens from what Danni tells us. Honestly, I can’t even listen back to that. Oh yea, and spoiler alert. If you want to keep up with what we’re watching on tv and movies, follow the Jamhole on Miso.

– This leads us into a discussion why Danni would be more disgusted to see a dead kitty than a dead human being. Because the cat will love her forever, and the human will grow up to be an asshole. Our kitty would beg to differ when other people are around her. She was quite the asshole.

–  What do you know about the fine art of pizza delivery? I know that it don’t pay shit. This guy petitioned the powers that be to increase the pizza driver minimum wage to $20 an hour. This gets pretty political. Let’s have a discussion about it in the forums.

– Words Danni hears at work. It’s like words with friends, but way more out of context. I can fit a whole pussy in my mouth, but not a big titty. Sure, makes sense.

– Why would you ever have a job that pays less than $5 an hour? I don’t quite understand that. It’s about the dignity right? Now reminisce with us as we fondly remember the assholes we deliver to that never tip. Dicks, all of you! We did spend more time on the whole pizza delivery thing than we probably should have. Oh well, never let it be said that the Jamhole isn’t willing to thoroughly beat a dead horse to DEATH.

– The majority of America gets their news from Fox. That is a sad, stupid statistic. What if Glenn Beck is right? Let’s talk about the most popular 2012 predictions Fox News viewers are interested in. This is great. I hate people.

– Stay tuned for the Jamhole 2012 predictions. Coming soon! Thanks Redfox, it’s been a long time. We’ve missed you. Here’s a starter prediction. 2012 is going to be my year. The year of Mat Lee kicking ass and taking names.

– I want to now show you the largest piece of drift wood I’ve ever seen. Yes, I know it’s a tree. Thank you Danni. Just think about that massive piece of wood in the morning. Yeah, I went there. Does petrified wood float?

Police just being complete and utter dicks to the Robin Hoods. Eating pizza and drinking soda in front of them? Do these pigs know no end to evil?

– A little behind the scenes… Whenever you hear me say “Oh Snap!” during the show, that means Chrome just crashed. Speaking of Chrome, if you want to watch any of our live shows on Jamhole TV properly, you’re going to need to use Chrome. It’s free, and it’s so much better than whatever you’re currently using. So get it, and stop asking stupid questions.

– You asked for it, you wanted to get hands put on you. You got hands, and now you’re complaining? Riddle me this, which one of you manly JFK TSA dudes feels like getting the rubber glove on to frisk this eighty something year old? Winner winner, chicken dinner.

– Which one of your alleged presidential candidates was caught quoting Pokemon 2000 in his speeches? Ask me why Herman Cain dropped out… Because he was quoting Pokemon. Yea. That’s how seriously I take your politics.

This little kid was suspended for calling his teacher cute. If this kid should be suspended for anything, it’s for having a stupid name. Anyways, I’m sure there was something more going on there. But from what it sounds like, sexual harassment wasn’t quite the right category. But then again, what do I know. It is weird we just finished watching that episode of South Park where Ike and his teacher fall in love and Cartman becomes the Dawg of hall monitors. Good stuff.

– We’re done with this, so put your fucking toys away. Leave us a message at 406.204.4687, text me at 406.848.1739,  circle us on Google+, like the Facebook page and follow us on Twitter. Make sure you join the forums and participate in our discussions. Did you notice they redesigned YouTube? Yes, fuck yes, check out the Jamhole on YouTube! Subscribe to the show in iTunes and write us a nice review. We’ll catch you sometime this week with another episode!

By Mat Lee

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...

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