Ep 269: Oxysilver

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“Those chickens freaked me out.”

After doing this show for as long as we’ve been doing it, I’ve started to realize a lot of things about the world I live in. Perhaps this is obvious to you all, perhaps I was just too jaded to realize it initially. First of all, people are stupid. I’m a person, and of course, every now and then I fall into that category of being stupid, as I’m sure you have also. It seems the larger the group of people, the stupider and thus more easily persuaded said group becomes. You can talk one on one to a person and try to persuade them into buying whatever bullshit you happen to be selling, and you’ll never get anywhere. Now, take that same person and put them into a crowd of say fifty people. Add a few people who are working on your side, strategically planted throughout the audience who will pretend like they have had a positive experience with your product, and all of the sudden you have 45 people who are completely under your spell. This fake pretend sales pitch could take place in the middle of the driest most barren desert in the world, and at the end of your spiel, you could have all those people convinced that the one thing they need most in their lives at that very moment is more sand. Secondly, when people are at their most vulnerable, even in a one on one setting, they will be more receptive to whatever snake oil you happen to be peddling. Especially when they feel their case is a terminal one. Everyone who partakes in selling bullshit unproven remedies to people who have lost all hope are the most reprehensible scum this planet has ever seen. What really pisses me off more than this, are the people who could have actually been helped if they would have been treated with modern science based medicine initially. In most cases, these poor lost people have nothing left by the time these parasites (homeopaths) are done with them, it’s too late for even the best science based medicine to help them. Stop trying to peddle your bullshit in my valley. This is Jamhole country now. We see through your deceit, and we’re not going to put up with it anymore. We have a voice through the jamhole, and if you are one of these people participating in any kind of quackery, we will find you, you will be called out, and you will be dealt with you accordingly. Suck it up and get a real job like the rest of us, and stop trying to make your living selling lies to people who are desperate enough to buy them. Viva La Jamholia!

  • I had my pre op Monday. I’m really not looking forward to this dick surgery on Friday the 13th. Also, a huge thanks to my mom for going to my pre op with me. Nothing is quite as awkward as having your mom in the same room as the doctor who is about to check out your dick.
  • Huge props to North Valley hospital for giving people a free massage before their operation. That is probably the only part I’m looking forward to. I hope she’s hot!
  • Also props to the two finger typist. She was a very nice lady, and quite the typer.
  • In case you didn’t know, I’m super freaked the fuck out, and will be until this is all over with.
  • Food Inc. If you ever want to enjoy what you eat ever again, you should probably skip this movie. Fuck we eat some nasty ass shit. Let’s give a huge round of applause for overpopulation!! It’s your fault we have to process food in this manner. Please stop having kids.
  • Naruto Shippuden was just as awesome as the cartoons. If you can deal with reading subtitles of course. It was kind of weird to see Naruto more grown up, but he’s still a bad ass. Believe it!
  • Hey Alex Jones, are you fucking cool? Because from the looks of your last movie, New World Order, you seem to be losing your fucking mind. Not everyone is out to get you, you paranoid fuck. Plus, if you wanted to even come close to stopping this bullshit, you should have started about 100 years ago. It’s too late dude. I must admit, you do make a very entertaining (read humorous) movie.
  • Did you know Obama is actually a terrorist? Yea, I didn’t either until yesterday. Well, now that we all know this, what do we do now? Did you also know that Glenn Beck has no penis? Also something I heard.
  • I don’t know if you know this or not, but you can’t actually just keep printing money to end this depression. You are actually making things worse by doing that.
  • If you have an extra $250 to spare, you could go to the MPP 15th anniversary Party Super Party! I would like to make a correction real quick. In the podcast I said the tickets were like $1500 each. I had that price confused with the group rate. The group rate for a table of ten people is $2,000. The price for an individual ticket is only $250. Sorry about that. So now can we go? I’ll even be a guest speaker for you!
  • I swear that wasn’t me that downloaded the child porn. It was my cat! No wait, I mean it was a virus! Yea, that’s it, I got a virus, and it downloaded all this child porn, and put it into organized folders. I swear it wasn’t me! If that doesn’t raise a red flag, I don’t know what will.
  • The next great scam in homeopathy! Oxysilver will cure anything that ails you. Just pay us money, and we’ll give you this awesome water. If you bought this, I have another great cure all for you. It comes in the form of lead, fired from a gun into your brain. Walla, no more pain! That’s right, I’m calling bullshit on your bullshit product.
  • Guess who has the Y2K blues? This guy does, because he drank colloidal silver. Of course, he only turned blue from Argyria because he made it wrong. Wow, I bet now that Y2K is over and nothing happened, you feel like a blue retard. Cool Halloween costume Stan Jones!
  • Here’s a voicemail from Linda, the crazy biofeedback therapy quantum physics machine lady. We’ll keep you updated on what happens with this.
  • We’re all eating things with bisphenol A, a synthetic form of estrogen in it. You know what that means? We’re all gonna have rocking tits!
  • Once again, if you have drugs in the car, STOP SPEEDING. You fucking idiots. Especially if you have 51 pounds of weed on you. You can’t do 84 in a 65 with massive amounts of weed in the car.
  • Jesus tried to frame me, that’s his drug paraphernalia. I swear! Ok, a virus downloaded it then.
  • Guess who has a sad kitten story? This guy! Guess what makes good bait for cat fish? Dead kitty liver of course!
  • Killing kids! I swear that wasn’t my dead baby wrapped up and decomposing in my trunk.
  • A great voicemail from twentysix. Where the fuck did you find a murder? Nice work!
  • Sanctuary is quickly becoming Danni’s new favorite tv show. It’s on the sci fi channel. I refuse to call it SyFy. That’s just silly.
  • Thank you everyone for getting us the nomination for the 2009 Podcast Awards in the mature category. That’s all I wanted, so please don’t bother voting for us.
  • 3 brand new emo poetry episodes up at thejamhole.com/youtube. Make sure you rate and comment if you dig it! Pass that shit around.

About Mat Lee

Creating dope shit since the chromosome split...
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