Tag Archives: religious retards

Ep 282: Rape Child

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“I can’t strip to this.”

There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I have a long list of shit that seriously needs to stop happening before we can continue to evolve as a society, as a species, and as individual human beings. First and foremost, this under age teen pregnancy shit has got to stop. There is nothing fun about having kids, unless you consider wrecking the holy fuck out of your twat / stomach / sex life / life in general, fun. Or spending over $10,000 in the first year alone, or waking up at all hours of the night to a screaming pile of tears, piss and shit fun. I don’t know what your definition of fun is, but that is not mine. I honestly don’t see the appeal of having to deal with something like that for the next 18 to 30 years of my life. No thanks. Honestly, I don’t think you could pay me enough money to deal with that type of shit. Plus, have you seen how many people we have managed to pack onto this little planet of ours? We are almost at seven BILLION people! That is completely fucking ridiculous and unacceptable. We have gotten lazy, fat, apathetic, and pathetic as a culture, and the more time goes by, the more we are showing signs of these sad physical and mental problems. Every day I’m out in the thick of it, dealing with these fucking retards, and I see that look of self entitlement on the faces of damn near every person I pass by, and it makes me want to punch them right in their stolid smug faces. Perhaps it’s more blatant up here in the Flathead Valley because there is such a strong, blind religious following. These people love to breed uncontrollably, are against abortion, are the biggest self righteous hypocrites you’ll ever cross paths with, and above all else, place the blame for their fucked up lives not on themselves, but on their made up invisible friends. If life is good, then it’s god making it good and answering their prayers. If life is shit, then it’s satan fucking with them. I love this valley a lot. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived, but the people here leave much to be desired, both on an intellectual level, and on a nice human being level. Tune in next episode as we continue to go through the list of why shit is all fucked up. This is chapter one.

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Ep 214: Crappie

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“Call me a bitch but I’m just not into that.”

So there we were, sitting on a boat with Richard Dreyfuss, Roy Scheider, and Robert Shaw, drinking whiskey, telling each other tales of near death situations involving large angry sea creatures and old shitty boats, and showing the scars to prove it. The Orca’s old wood creaking and moaning from the swell of the ocean in a rhythmic vibration that matched my own steady heart beat. Thump thump… Thump thump… I’ll have another shot please, and this time, don’t skimp on the booze. That Robert Shaw sure can drink, damn near drank us under the table that night. Until I awoke in a cold sweat, nearly pissing my pants from the liquid consumed the night before. So I got out of bed doing my best not to disturb my sleeping girlfriend laying next to me, her heart also beating, a synchronicity I refuse to overlook. After releasing my waste into the pipes that would take it to the heart of the city, only to be recycled and redistributed as some poor souls drinking water, I noticed it staring at me. Every time I glance in that general direction, it’s staring at me with those bedroom eyes. The fleshlight beckoned me over, and who am I to resist the dark rubbery temptress of the night? My inner loins ached, and I could feel my own flesh starting to throb, my own heart beating faster and faster, my lust growing with the anticipation of what was about to happen. The fleshlight had somehow already lubed itself up, an odd fact that I was willing to worry about at a later date. I entered the fleshlights moist tight hole, and holy fuck did it feel good. That’s when I awoke from the dream, soaking wet with what appeared to be a mixture of urine and semen, my dick somehow in the midst of humping a wadded up section of sheets and blanket, my girlfriend looming over me with eyes that said, “You just pissed and ejaculated on me and the bed we share, and I’m very unhappy because of it.” Thump thump… Thump thump… Thump thump…

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