Tag Archives: silly religion

TJH 650: Tits Up

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“I’ll check a dude out like the library.”

It’s been about a month, so here’s another show. Lot’s of exciting stuff happening, so listen closely. Things are awesome and I’m hungry so I’ll make this short. Go read the show notes and share this shit.

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TJH 643: Personal Gratification

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“It’s almost as if the planet is trying to kill us before we kill it.”

Welcome back to another awkwardly funny episode of the Jamhole. Thanks for checking out our weekly comedy podcast shit show extravaganza! I’m pretty excited for you all to listen to this one. It’s another one of those it makes me laugh out loud while I listen back to post it episodes. You should definitely share this one with your friends. Spots are filling up quick for our Winter Wonderland 2015 gathering. Make sure you email info@thejamhole.com or send us a form here and let us know if you are coming so we can make sure to save you a spot. It’s going to be a blast. For now, hit play and follow along with the show notes.

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Ep 289: The Christmas Cheer

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“I mowed down a tree because it was pissing me off.”

The presents have all been opened, the carefully cut and taped wrapping paper that once hid the anticipation and surprise from the unsuspecting eyes of those who would be the recipients, now lays in heaping crumpled mounds inside our trash cans, awaiting their final trip to once again become one with the ground. The ground will barely recognize the wrapping paper. What was once a life giving tree, roots firmly planted in the dirt, along with it’s companions, holding the planet together, is now a colorfully unrecognizable, clinquant, chemically treated mess, one second treated with the utmost care, looked at with adoring eyes, the next ripped to shreds and discarded without a second thought.  Festive alcoholic drinks and copious amounts of food consumed ad nauseum. It’s a holiday celebration after all, and that means we gorge ourselves past the point of complete satisfaction, until our already oversized stomachs seemingly burst at the seams, our arteries becoming clogged like a rush hour traffic jam, our hearts no longer able to get the oxygen rich blood to the organs that need it most, causing our already ridiculous health insurance rates to get even higher.

We are a fast living, high risk, unhealthy, apathetic society, and for that, we will pay the ultimate price. The credit cards we depend on to live the life we want, the life we think we deserve, rather than the life we can actually afford, the life that has been created by all the tiny insignificant choices we have made thus far, have all been swiped and taken to their limits, giving us another reason to work shitty awful jobs, wasting our lives away to make a better standard of living for someone else. That’s right, another christmas comes and goes for the inhabitants of this wonderful world we live in. I love how most of us cherish this holiday with all our hearts and minds, with our very soul. This silly day that was started by those in charge (the church), way back in about the 4th century, for one reason, or set of beliefs, but throughout the millenia, is now celebrated with a completely different meaning. I mean of course, the christians will always consider it their flagship holiday, the celebration of their lord and savoir’s birthday. But to the rest of the world who doesn’t believe in that, its just another day you gave special meaning to because of something that happened way before any of us, or our ancestors, were alive to remember. For all we know, it never happened, or at least not the way they tell you it did. You see, the christians have a bad habit of taking bits and pieces of all the other, much older religions of the world, and making it their own. I mean fuck, at least L. Ron Hubbard had the inspiration and the drive to come up with something totally original for his silly little belief system people now call a religion.

What you all believe in as modern day Christianity, is really just a large washed out conglomerate of the very early religions. Of course, the names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent of course, but once you get past the new design theme template, its the same old boring stuff made up to explain things we didn’t understand. We don’t call them “gods” now, we call it science. Although, if science had the same drama and pizzaz that the greek gods had, we’d all be just fine. Why do we have such great science, that we can describe with great accuracy the processes that make up the world we live in? How can we explain now what was once explained then with the use of personified gods? Because we have rational thinking minds capable of thinking very brilliant, bewildering ideas, and the longer we’re on the planet for, the more we will evolve these minds into thinking and creating great ideas. Now, who gave us a mind that works like this in the first place? Some say we’ve evolved from lower forms of it, some say it’s god. All I know is that the science for evolutionary theory is pretty sound, and is being pioneered by some of the most brilliant minds ever to ponder their own existence origins, and most of you would agree with that.

But, even with our modern day technology and sensitive measuring instruments, we can only go back so far. I firmly believe the longer we are allowed to evolve and grow on this planet, that one day we will get to the point where we figure out exactly how everything came into existence. I also believe that if we just say that god put us here, and end it at that, we would never have gotten out of the caves. I’m also very afraid that if things keep going the way they are going, we will never have a chance to see that. So help me if you fuck this up for the rest of us, and we don’t get answers to philosophy’s great questions, or at least get some cool Ray Kurzweil technological advancements happening, before you all destroy the world, I am going to find you and seriously fuck  up the afterlife you believe is there. I’ve been baptized and confirmed motherfuckers, don’t fuck with me. If god ends up really existing, I’m going to heaven, and don’t think I won’t remember who helped the world along down the path of global suicide it seems so eager to follow. Do not fuck this up for the rest of us just because you are a greedy, power hungry son of a bitch. If you end up in heaven and I see you, and it’s your fault the world ended before I got to really see some cool shit, I am eternally fucking your shit up!

So what would it take to create a mind that was aware it was created? Then the mind will try to figure out where it came from. That seems to be a running theme with being self aware. Unless you created the mind so it was unable to figure out where it came from, or incapable, or indifferent to the matter. Like if you used a plus 5 Wool Over Eyes spell or something. But if that were the case, then something would have had to create it that way. Something had to be there to cast the spell. You would say that god (insert your deity here) created it. The fact that we have a mind that allows us, and encourages us to figure out out how our reality works and why it works the way it does. The very idea that we can ponder our existence, and our origins, tells me that we were not created by a god. Unless that god wanted us to eventually find him one day, he would not have given us the ability to do so. I’m not sure how we got to self aware mind from talking about christmas, but anyways, to bring it back to the reason for the season…

I also find it weird and suspect, that Jesus has the only birthday in the history of human beings in which we give each other presents, rather than the person who was “born.” How pist would you be if on your birthday, everyone gave each other gifts instead of you? Especially if you died for their sins! I mean seriously, how ungrateful can you possibly get? If your still reading this, you must be as high as I am, so now, on to the notes…

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