Tag Archives: timmy

Ep 253: Pull Out

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“Why is my weed dealer selling birth control now?”

I’ve been in love with words since we first met. When I was old enough to know what a words worth, I took a trip to the dictionary and that’s when I knew I was hooked. You looking perfectly beautiful, your eyes dotted with a shade of blue that offers a collective glimpse into the seven seas of your soul. Your tease crossed my heart, making my pants put up a tent in an anxious attempt at roughing it. Each period more bold than the previous, each curvy comma pausing my heart beat for what seems like an eternity, while giving me a chance to catch the breath I give you every time our eyes meet. You flow with the same grace the oceans waves roll in, bringing a promise of dissolved solids, salty water and kelp, rolling back out to make their deposit into the great ocean basin. I hasten my heart beat until I can visualize each letter forming each word I carefully choose to describe each situation I find myself in. Your cursive handwriting turns me on, and if I look careful enough, I can still see your mark on the palm of my hand. Seven digits, one hyphen dividing the set of three from the set of four. I gather my words and scatter them on the floor, like magnets arranged on the fridge door saying things like “Tell great men life is important, but favor is often misunderstood at the doorstep.”

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Ep 246: Bang Bang!

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“Those are blanks, right?”

In a civilized world, parents don’t shoot their kids trying to kill them. Unless of course, the kid is trying to kill the parents. But in a civilized world, the kids should never kill the parents. It does happen, and probably more than you think. That means either this is not a civilized world, or every now and then shit happens. This is the story of one of those times that shit happens. It’s more fucked up for me personally because I know the kid, but I’m sure that is nothing compared with having your own father try to kill you. The sad thing is, the kid is going to be fucked up from this for quite some time still, but the father will probably be back home after a weak charge and even weaker prosecuting attorney in court. I guess that also falls under the category of shit happens. Hey dickface, parents are supposed to help their children in hopes they can live a little better. What you did was the complete opposite. Not only have you stopped your son’s forward progress, but you’ve actually gone so far as to set him back years and years. I’m nominating you, Tim Withrow Sr., for the worst parent in the universe contest. Any good you may have done in your son’s life has completely been reversed. You did a very horrible thing. What you did is like sad kittens, and ask Danni, that’s pretty sad.

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