Tag Archives: ashley

Ep 277: African American Friday

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“You’re going to pee for me today.”

Oh my fucking goodness gracious great balls of fire, what a fucking episode. First of all I would like to give a huge inviting welcome to any members of our esteemed Kalispell Police Department that might be listening, mining evidence, building a case against whoever they might be building a case against. Second of all, I would like to say, could you guys please do something about the horrendous meth problem we have here in the Flathead Valley? We would really appreciate it, and it would be nice to see our hard earned monies going to something other than you pulling over people going a little bit over the speed limit. I know people who do meth might be a little on the scary side, but in all honesty, one punch and they pretty much explode. You know, I’ve been debating the whole “Does god exist” thing with a few people over the weekend, and I have to say… These people have NO CLUE! They constantly regurgitate the same bullshit that has been laid to rest eons ago, thinking they are on the cutting edge of whatever is it they think they are doing. It’s like church rots your brain more than television does. I know that might be a hard pill to swallow, but have a discussion with a true believer, and if your ears don’t start bleeding in the first few minutes, maybe you have a chance at saving them. It’s sad, very sad. Have you been so blinded by your own self righteous quest to not burn in this made up eternal hell fire for so long that you’ve completely lost touch with anything that resembles the real world? I totally understand the cliche that ignorance is bliss, but it seems to me there should be some sort of cut off point where once you pass that threshold, you are no longer considered to be living in an acceptable part of reality. You believe because you are afraid to go to hell. You believe because it looks good on paper. You believe because your parents brainwashed you into believing. Take a look for yourself, and I promise what you will find will blow your mind. Religion is ruining our world. Start paying taxes like the rest of us. What makes you so special? I mean besides the obvious fact that you still haven’t grown out of talking to invisible friends. You stopped believing in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and santa claus right? Well, this is more of the same, and you still believe in it. We need to stop catering to this crap. It’s seriously hurting our society, our planet, and our economy.

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Ep 276: Climate Change

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“I know you weren’t gay, I was just hoping you were bi.”

Another holiday skewed by the time that has passed. Of course it sounds nice to tell your children that the pilgrims and the Indians sat down and shared a feast together, that is not what really happened. The real story of thanksgiving is filled with greed and bloodshed. It has even been touted as the most terrifying bloodshed in new world history. When the pilgrims came to the new world from england, they were very unprepared and had to rely heavily on handouts from the generous Indians. The Indians weren’t even invited by the pilgrims to the meal. The pilgrims invited the Indian leader, whose name was Massasoit, and he in turned invited around ninety other Indians, which the pilgrims were not pleased about. The pilgrims indulged in their brew, which they preferred to drink even more than water. This daily inebriation led their governor, William Bradford, to comment on his peoples notorious sin, which included rampant sodomy. The pilgrims got drunk and fucked things in the ass. Happy Thanksgiving!

(Excerpt from this site)
Just days before the alleged Thanksgiving love-fest, a company of Pilgrims led by Myles Standish actively sought to chop off the head of a local chief. They deliberately caused a rivalry between two friendly Indians, pitting one against the other in an attempt to obtain “better intelligence and make them both more diligent.” An 11-foot-high wall was erected around the entire settlement for the purpose of keeping the Indians out. Any Indian who came within the vicinity of the Pilgrim settlement was subject to robbery, enslavement, or even murder. The Pilgrims further advertised their evil intentions and white racial hostility, when they mounted five cannons on a hill around their settlement, constructed a platform for artillery, and then organized their soldiers into four companies-all in preparation for the military destruction of their friends the Indians. Pilgrim Myles Standish eventually got his bloody prize. He went to the Indians, pretended to be a trader, then beheaded an Indian man named Wituwamat. He brought the head to Plymouth, where it was displayed on a wooden spike for many years, according to Gary B. Nash, “as a symbol of white power.” Standish had the Indian man’s young brother hanged from the rafters for good measure. From that time on, the whites were known to the Indians of Massachusetts by the name “Wotowquenange,” which in their tongue meant cutthroats and stabbers. To read more about the real thanksgiving, check out this site. I really think people need to know what they are celebrating. Just like Columbus day.

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Ep 263: Butthole Pucker

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“For some reason they always want head in my crouch.”

It continues to blow my mind on a daily basis the things you so called civilized rational humans accept as truth. For one, I find it quite sad that you are willing to blow thousands of dollars on bullshit homeopathic remedies, yet you get all up in arms when the schools that educate your children need more money. For two, you are afraid to vaccinate your children because you’ve heard that either vaccines cause autism, the h1nword vaccine hasn’t been tested thoroughly enough yet, or the newest piece of negative press, that the flu vaccine causes dystonia. Are you fucking kidding me people? It’s retards like you that make me glad I don’t want any kids. I would be so fucking pist if I had a child and it had to interact with all your idiot kids. You can barely make good decisions for yourselves, yet you think you can properly raise children? It’s people like you that are ruining this beautiful planet we live on. So go ahead, keep wasting your money on placebos, or throwing it into the tax free black hole that is the church. If this 2012 thing is really going to happen, it will be by your hand and your actions. It blows my mind that some of you have managed to survive this long. You are very lucky the world is littered with so much convenience, otherwise you’d be just another fossil buried in the monkey muck.

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Ep 245: Neosemen

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“You know that cum heals everything right?”

There are many things in life and the reality the media and those in control have created for us that I could really give a fuck less about. A couple of those things are starting up again, as they are seasonal annoyances. The VMA’s being one of them, and football season being another. We discuss quite a few things in tonight’s episode, I just wanted to reiterate how stupid I think this is. I know that somehow, a lot of you think football is such a great sport, passed down to man from the gods themselves. But seriously, you all act like you play the sport yourself, which you do not. You don’t play shit, unless of course you count that stupid fantasy football shit, which only counts in as much as dungeons and dragons counts you being a real dragon slayer. There is absolutely nothing in your life that you do that has any effect, negative or positive, on any football team, past, present, or future. Unless of course, you take all that fantasy money you won playing fantasy football, and you buy yourself a real football team.

For a bunch of adults that have adult jobs and adult responsibilities like raising kids and paying bills, you all act like uneducated cattle. Just because maybe once upon a time you had a dream drilled into your still young, malleable brains, that one day you were going to grow up big and strong and play pro ball, and maybe, instead, grew up lazy and fat and your father watched those dreams of his crumble before his very own eyes like so many cookie crumbs on your shirt, so now you get a raging hard on whenever you see the NFL on television, or hear anyone speak of football, and to this day you still have no idea why. Sure, when I was a kid my friends and I used to play football at recess, and sure, it was a great time. But let me say that again. WHEN I WAS A KID. So basically, if you know me in real life, please refrain from bringing up things like football, and I’ll refrain from giving you my “I honestly don’t give a fuck about anything coming out of your mouth right now” face. Trust me, it’s for the best.

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