Tag Archives: australia

Ep 304: Baby Killing Spree

Play

“I will make a movie about me, kicking your fucking ass.”

The more I read “God is not Great” by Christopher Hitchens, the more my mind is blown at how people can believe some of the things they believe in. It’s like they stopped caring about what was going on around them five years after they were born, and they haven’t looked back since. He is risen… He is risen indeed! I’ll make you a deal, I’ll start believing in god, but you have to stop using technology. No more cars either. You should probably all just start wearing burkas as well. And blind folds, I wanna see everyone wearing blindfolds. Girls aren’t allowed to vote anymore either, and we get to throw rocks at them if they aren’t virgins. We should all probably go ahead and quit our jobs, that way we can spend more time on our knees, worshiping the deity. AMEN! I’m in… I was at buns on the lake this morning for breakfast with Dana, and there was a table of people who had just gotten done with church. They were joking around about people who go to church, but don’t have faith. They thought it was funny that people would go to church just to be seen as believing in something they do, so they can be part of the super secret magic club. It’s saying, look how quaint these people are, with their wishful thinking and belief in a ghost full of holes. Death and taxes, unless you happen to be a tax exempt religion.

Read more »

Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

Play

“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

Read more »

Ep 270: Quantum Leap

Play

“I’m not a doctor, and the device is what does the work on your body.”

It’s now the evening of Thursday, November 12th 2009, and I just got finished up another long back breaking day of work. The only thought running laps in my mind has been the surreal fact that in the next 24 hours, I will have my first ever surgery. The kicker is that the first surgery I get to experience just so happens to be on my dick. Yea, I thought the same exact thing, lucky me. I imagine it going a little something like this: I arrive at noon, greeted with smiles from both sides of the facility. I will of course, have to fill out more paper work. They will offer me some water. Being slightly parched from my conventional nervousness I will graciously accept the little paper cup. I down it in one big gulp, and I instantly know something is off. Too late. The water has a weird taste, must be Culligan… Oh fuck, here we go. Everything starts imprudently shifting, eyes getting blurry, head getting fuzzy, equilibrium all fucked up, brain dizzy, watch out for the floor Mat… I’m somehow caught in mid fall by a large man pushing a wheel chair. Where did he come from I think to myself. Weird… As I drift in and out of consciousness, he wheels me into the operating room, where my now limp body is carefully transferred onto the cold lifeless metal that is the surgery table. Nightmarish imagery flashes in and out of my mind’s eye, taking bits and pieces from what my real eyes are seeing and transforming them into something reminiscent of a horrorfest movie. I’m surrounded by a group of people I don’t know, all waiting for the harbinger to raise the mighty scalpel and bury it into my shaft. In a ritualistic sacrifice of sorts, the group joins hands as they chant the ancient words. This is the exorcyst. This is my penile exorcystem of a down… (ok, that was a stretch) The demon that has made my woody woodpecker it’s home will be forcefully ejaculated, but not without putting up a fight. Somehow it feels like the demon is holding on. It doesn’t want to leave. They never leave quietly, and not without fucking some shit up first. I can feel the tentacles tightening their grasp on whatever part of my corpus spongiosum they are entangled in. I feel them loosen with each swipe of the blade, I can hear the shrieks of the dying demon within. Should have chosen another place to hole up in demon. In this battle, you will not emerge the victor. I will. I already have. One down, two to go. In the quantum universe, this is all said and done. I am back home relaxing, nursing my wound, icing my cock and balls. Then again, in another universe, something went horribly wrong and they had to amputate my captain hook. Let’s all wish me luck!

Read more »

Ep 268: Duped

Play

“It’s a good thing you zoomed in to the quantum level.”

This world is filled with more quackery than you can shake a stick at. Especially in these oh so tough economic times you keep reading about in the paper, or hearing about on your favorite “non biased” news station. At a time when people should be doing their best to work together so we can all get through this shit, we still have instances of bullshit miracles  creeping up here and there by bullshit people who lead bullshit lives. Just like the article read, these people are losing business in their normal practice of prescribing bullshit remedies that do nothing more than stimulate our own internal placebo effect, if that… So they have to keep looking for the next big thing. The next miracle cure all for anything that ails you in the present, as well as the future. These people are no better than the criminals who would rob you at gunpoint on the street, or the criminals who would stalk your children as they innocently frolic to and fro in the school playground. It’s a new world out there today than it was when our parents and their parents were growing up. You can’t trust everything you hear and see in the newspaper and the television. You can trust us, but only because we’re honest, and have made it a point in our podcast and show notes to point out when people are being retarded fucking liars and scam artists. Just be careful, and know that the device being used and marketed as a cure all at the quantum level is nothing more than whoo-whoo bullshit. It doesn’t work, and it honestly has nothing to do with quantum physics. At all… It’s illegal, and if you are the person putting out these bad typo ridden pamphlets and business cards filled with lies, watch your back, because we’re coming for you next.

Read more »