Tag Archives: medical - Page 2

TJH 569: Austrian Aliens

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“Something is clearly horribly wrong with you sir.”

Another week come and gone, another humorous episode of the Jamhole for your listening pleasure. This is the last episode for March 2012, congratulations everyone for getting through another month mostly unscathed. Things are good here, just trucking along producing a few other shows, getting this hip hop album finished up, and waiting for the summer time to start so I can reacquaint myself with our star. Other than that, life is life, are you thriving or just barely surviving? Are you happy with how life is going so far? Either way, click or tap the read more link and get your notes on.

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TJH 568: Dicks Hanging Out

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“It took me all of this to realize what a douche bag he is.”

This whole doing the Jamhole once a week is kind of nice. Makes me not get so behind on show notes when I let them go for a few days. Fear not, the show isn’t going anywhere. Wait, I should rephrase that. The show must and will go on. On what you might ask? Hopefully your damn Android and iOS devices. But in all seriousness, my fellow Jamholians and I have been through one hell of a ride these last four years. We’ve been up, we’ve been down. It’s all about the organics involved and how everything flows together like the yin and yang, or like a dog chasing it’s tail. Either way, the Jamhole is still being recorded live on Monday around 5pm PT 8pm ET on Jamhole TV, so next time your bored on a Monday, come join us! This was pretty much a piss poor episode. I blame certain individual’s time constraints, and other certain individuals lack to keep their attention focused on anything for more than five minutes. And that’s coming from me, the king of not being able to sit still himself. All I’m saying is that if you guys want this thing to keep being awesome, and to keep having people listen to it, you both need to step up your games. That’s all. Keep on reading for some notes.

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Ep 302: Business or Pleasure

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“Dana’s in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you.”

I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I don’t want to spoil the actual episode too much. Plus because of who we had on as a guest, I’m not really allowed to say anything. I know this is a blog of sorts, but you know how these things are. Basically, we’re on a need to know basis, and you simply don’t need to know. Don’t worry, I don’t really need to know either. The first rule of freelance private sector security consulting, is you don’t talk about freelance private sector security consulting. That’s right, not even on a talk show. You especially don’t write about it on a blog either. Just keep quiet, pretend you never saw or heard this, and stay safe. It’s a crazy world out there.

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Ep 292: A New Year

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“I came here to fuck and do blow, and maybe die.”

Let’s start the year on a positive note, that way after we sober up and realize it’s just the same shit year after year after year, we won’t be so fucking pist that this is how we’re spending our time. Seriously, it’s all the same shit, we just have different ways to spend money. That’s what we’re here for. I am a consumer, and I am good at it. What are you selling, I don’t give a fuck, I’ll take twenty. Can you deliver it to my front door? Even better. I spend my time reading, writing, trying to leave something behind, something that will attempt to stand the test of time. That future generations will find this and read it and listen and say to themselves… Jesus fucking christ. They really fucked up their shit. Happy New Year. No fear two beers with new hair past due.

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Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

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“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

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Ep 285: Voodoo Doll

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“You couldn’t abort the antichrist.”

Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being an efficacious way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe in ridiculous ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place their responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion!

I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I’m sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It’s human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you’re starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It’s very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don’t you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It’s appalling at how the country bends over backwards to accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It’s silly to the point of embarrassment.

You’ve all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn’t jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don’t you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don’t let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don’t, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completely ludicrous. Isn’t it just as silly that every Sunday they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it’s ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn’t he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god’s image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, but we have to blindly believe in this higher power without the tiniest sliver of tangible evidence in order to be saved from some type of eternal punishment? Everything our scientific minds have figured out about the world contradicts what the bible states to be final truth. Someone has to be lying here, who are you going to believe? On one side we have science, which has gotten us where we are today, has given us medical breakthrough after breakthrough, can make highly accurate predictions about the physical world we live in, and has given us all of the modern convenience we have become accustomed to, or religion, which has made people hate and kill other people who have conflicting belief systems, gives them a way out when they are ashamed to admit to doing something horrible, has brought down a whole lot of pointless bloodshed and suffering on humanity, the dark ages, and has made scum bags like Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton so popular. The choice is yours, please choose based on what your mind tells you to choose, not what you were scared into believing.

Which brings up my last point in this essay. Any organization that has to scare you into believing what it preaches, is not a good organization to begin with. There is a reason you are afraid you will go to hell if you don’t believe. There is a reason every single commandment starts out with the words “You shall FEAR and love god.” If they weren’t able to scare you into believing, all they would have is a silly children’s fairytale, and as we all know, when we grow up and become adults, we put away our childish things. Including our beliefs in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and god. There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is no god, and there is no devil. These are all tools of the trade created to frighten you from the day you are born into believing a flawed system that has no other goal than to influence you in your day to day life, to get you to give them your hard earned money, and to build their numbers, just in case they have to start another holy war like they did back in the middle ages. The crusades was the equivalent of our modern day troops fighting a war with the Canadians because the Canadians don’t believe that Santa Claus really is the one who comes down the chimney on christmas eve to deliver presents to everyone. Sounds silly doesn’t it? That’s what your belief system sounds like to any rational, logically thinking person.

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Ep 281: Sexcapades

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“That’s one of the fringe benefits of being a homo is punching bitches.”

Every now and then there comes a time when bitches go and over step their boundaries. This has happened twice before in Jamhole history, where we actually took notice enough to put the call out to all Jamholians, to put a bitch in their place. Well, it’s happened again. The first time I can remember was a crazy stalker ex boyfriend of a girl I had some interest in a long time ago, the second time was a crazy psycho dead beat dad ex of a girl a friend of the show was dating. Well, this time it was neither a male, nor an ex of anyone. Basically, to sum up the story Danni told on the show here, some bitch found some pictures of Danni and put them up on 4chan (they have since been removed), along with Danni’s myspace and phone number stating that she was lonely. The pictures were apparently from when Danni was dating this guy a long time ago, and I guess that was enough to make this bitch freak the fuck out when she found them. I’m not sure why this guy still has pictures of Danni, and that really is neither here nor there. This is where you guys come in. We think it would be a good idea for you all to call up this fat fuck troll named Heather and let her know that putting people’s information on the internet without justifiable cause is not ok. Her phone number is 941.914.0502. You can text her pictures of your penis, or poop, call her, leave her messages, and basically get the point across that until she calls our voicemail line at 406.204.4687 with an apology, this will not stop. Feel free to make a craigslist posting, subscribe her to whatever sms services you can find, etc… Be creative. If there is one thing you are all good at, it’s teaching a lesson to stupid fat fuck pigs like Heather… And Heather, if you are reading this, all you have to do to make this stop is call 406.204.4687 and apologize. Once you do that, you can go back to your shitty life, stuffing your fat face with twinkies and ding dongs, or whatever it is you fat fucks stuff your fat faces with these days. Thank you.

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Ep 270: Quantum Leap

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“I’m not a doctor, and the device is what does the work on your body.”

It’s now the evening of Thursday, November 12th 2009, and I just got finished up another long back breaking day of work. The only thought running laps in my mind has been the surreal fact that in the next 24 hours, I will have my first ever surgery. The kicker is that the first surgery I get to experience just so happens to be on my dick. Yea, I thought the same exact thing, lucky me. I imagine it going a little something like this: I arrive at noon, greeted with smiles from both sides of the facility. I will of course, have to fill out more paper work. They will offer me some water. Being slightly parched from my conventional nervousness I will graciously accept the little paper cup. I down it in one big gulp, and I instantly know something is off. Too late. The water has a weird taste, must be Culligan… Oh fuck, here we go. Everything starts imprudently shifting, eyes getting blurry, head getting fuzzy, equilibrium all fucked up, brain dizzy, watch out for the floor Mat… I’m somehow caught in mid fall by a large man pushing a wheel chair. Where did he come from I think to myself. Weird… As I drift in and out of consciousness, he wheels me into the operating room, where my now limp body is carefully transferred onto the cold lifeless metal that is the surgery table. Nightmarish imagery flashes in and out of my mind’s eye, taking bits and pieces from what my real eyes are seeing and transforming them into something reminiscent of a horrorfest movie. I’m surrounded by a group of people I don’t know, all waiting for the harbinger to raise the mighty scalpel and bury it into my shaft. In a ritualistic sacrifice of sorts, the group joins hands as they chant the ancient words. This is the exorcyst. This is my penile exorcystem of a down… (ok, that was a stretch) The demon that has made my woody woodpecker it’s home will be forcefully ejaculated, but not without putting up a fight. Somehow it feels like the demon is holding on. It doesn’t want to leave. They never leave quietly, and not without fucking some shit up first. I can feel the tentacles tightening their grasp on whatever part of my corpus spongiosum they are entangled in. I feel them loosen with each swipe of the blade, I can hear the shrieks of the dying demon within. Should have chosen another place to hole up in demon. In this battle, you will not emerge the victor. I will. I already have. One down, two to go. In the quantum universe, this is all said and done. I am back home relaxing, nursing my wound, icing my cock and balls. Then again, in another universe, something went horribly wrong and they had to amputate my captain hook. Let’s all wish me luck!

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Ep 266: Full of Thetans

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“Christianity sounds more believable to me than that shit.”

So it goes that if god is real, the devil must be real also. All that sounds great if it’s your belief system, my question is this. If you all believe in this crap, then why are people crazy when they claim they have done things in god’s name, or that god talks to them? Or even the devil’s name, and that the devil talks to them? We can all go to church and give them loads of money they don’t pay taxes on, you mindlessly recite the scriptures, the prayers, and the creeds, you bless people in the name of jesus christ, who supposedly died for the sins of the world, you eat the body and blood of jesus christ, thinking it somehow gives you some sort of power over life. Yet when people come out and say they killed other people in the name of the lord, or that satan told them to rape and eat poor defenseless babies, you instantly label them as crazy. So now it’s crazy? Who decides what god says and what he doesn’t? Who decides who is doing god’s work, and who is just a liar using religion as a bullshit cop out. I don’t believe these killers and baby eaters are the crazy ones. These people are so lost and confused, they are simply responding to a false reality you have all helped to create and brainwash into their skulls. This mess is your fault. You created this religion to try and control people, you cannot blame the sheep for following the sheperd. I think we need to put religion on trial, and make it accountable for their actions. Some people aren’t thinkers, and they are the ones we need to watch out for. Think about it next time your sitting in church. According to the popular belief system, each and every one of the people sitting there with you should be able to do anything they want in the name of the lord. Who are you silly human, to argue with god’s will? It gets even worse, now we have this new church trying to bully people around. The funny thing about this church, is that their belief system makes christianity sound pretty damn plausible. You believe in an alien called Xenu? Are you fucking kidding me adults? You do realize the guy who wrote the church of scientology’s bible, was a science fiction writer right? The sad thing is, this church has a shit load of mindless followers, with even more tax free money. Go ahead, confess your sins. Nothing matters anymore, you have all broken this world beyond repair. Good luck reaping the poisonous fruits you have sown.

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Ep 265: iDon’t

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“Don’t put your dick in anything else, or you’ll die.”

I hate when you start playing a video game, for example, the zelda game for the nintendo ds… So I hate when you stop playing the game for a few years, then maybe one day you feel bored, so you pick up the game to play again. Where the fuck am I and what the fuck am I supposed to be doing? It’s been so long, I have no idea where I am in the game. Ok, here is my boat, I guess I’ll hop on that and go somewhere. So like two hours later, I finally figure out where I’m supposed to be. It’s a stupid dungeon that’s timed, and there is all these knight things walking around trying to smack me and take my time away. I tried to get through this stupid dungeon for another hour or so, and finally got mad and remembered why it’s been like three years since I’ve played this game. I don’t like that dungeon.

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