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TJH 581: Rose Petals

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“I can smell your sex over here.”

Hello and welcome to another off white humor filled episode of your favorite, mostly weekly comedy podcast, The Jamhole! You know who I am and you know who she is, so I’ll skip with the pleasantries and get right into it. In this episode we talk about some current events that some of you might not find so amusing. Granted, we are fully aware of the seriousness of what happened, but for real, the new Batman movie did kind of suck. I’ll direct you to my Google+ post about it here. That being said, on with the show notes… Please direct any hate mail to info@thejamhole.com.

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TJH 580: Just Sexy

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“Alright mom, this is Mat, we’ll be snuggling in the bedroom.”

Would you look at that, another episode of the Jamhole, and its even a day early. Bunny and I decided we would do the show Thursday since we were both going to be a bit tied up Friday. No matter, its Friday when you’re all hearing this, unless of course you’re a dedicated listener who follows us on one of our social networks. If that’s how much you care, then you sometimes get some extra cool amazing stuff. Take this episode for instance. IF you were watching live, you would have seen us in amazing strip vibe beach blanket bingo-vision. Yeah, it was that awesome, now read some fucking notes.

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TJH 575: Newton’s Cradle

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“This is what people call the poo machine.”

Whoa, remember Danni? That’s right, she’s back in this episode of you’re favorite free comedy podcast, The Jamhole. It seems like it’s been forever since we did a show together, and if you play your cards right, you might just get yourself a special Friday episode. We’ll see what happens, but for now, be sure to get subscribed to the show in iTunes, then write us a raving review. The more reviews we get, the better we look in the all seeing eyes of iTunes, the more people will be able to find our show. Thanks for listening and as usual, tap read more for links and show notes.

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TJH 568: Dicks Hanging Out

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“It took me all of this to realize what a douche bag he is.”

This whole doing the Jamhole once a week is kind of nice. Makes me not get so behind on show notes when I let them go for a few days. Fear not, the show isn’t going anywhere. Wait, I should rephrase that. The show must and will go on. On what you might ask? Hopefully your damn Android and iOS devices. But in all seriousness, my fellow Jamholians and I have been through one hell of a ride these last four years. We’ve been up, we’ve been down. It’s all about the organics involved and how everything flows together like the yin and yang, or like a dog chasing it’s tail. Either way, the Jamhole is still being recorded live on Monday around 5pm PT 8pm ET on Jamhole TV, so next time your bored on a Monday, come join us! This was pretty much a piss poor episode. I blame certain individual’s time constraints, and other certain individuals lack to keep their attention focused on anything for more than five minutes. And that’s coming from me, the king of not being able to sit still himself. All I’m saying is that if you guys want this thing to keep being awesome, and to keep having people listen to it, you both need to step up your games. That’s all. Keep on reading for some notes.

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TJH 565: Queen Bee

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“I need to put this in my mouth because I haven’t done it since I was two.”

Alright here we go. Another great episode of The Jamhole in the record books. Let’s cut to the chase and get to the notes.

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Ep 551: Mass Ejection

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“Well yeah, I don’t know what my mom tastes like though.”

Christmas has come and gone, another year almost finished. One thing you can usually depend on is The Jamhole delivering free awesome content to help kill your time with. That’s right, it’s time to re-brand ourselves, and show the world we really are. A massive waste of time! I know when people listen to podcasts, unless they are learning something, you’re actually just finding ways to help keep your mind occupied (don’t pepper spray me bro), for however long you need a break. That’s what we do best. We have discussions about all sorts of crazy stupid whack shit, hopefully making you laugh and think a little more than usual, and by the time you check back into reality, the appropriate amount of time has passed. The Jamhole, professional time killers. Just like that arcade game. Remember Time Killers? Oh well, here’s some fucking notes!

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Ep 304: Baby Killing Spree

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“I will make a movie about me, kicking your fucking ass.”

The more I read “God is not Great” by Christopher Hitchens, the more my mind is blown at how people can believe some of the things they believe in. It’s like they stopped caring about what was going on around them five years after they were born, and they haven’t looked back since. He is risen… He is risen indeed! I’ll make you a deal, I’ll start believing in god, but you have to stop using technology. No more cars either. You should probably all just start wearing burkas as well. And blind folds, I wanna see everyone wearing blindfolds. Girls aren’t allowed to vote anymore either, and we get to throw rocks at them if they aren’t virgins. We should all probably go ahead and quit our jobs, that way we can spend more time on our knees, worshiping the deity. AMEN! I’m in… I was at buns on the lake this morning for breakfast with Dana, and there was a table of people who had just gotten done with church. They were joking around about people who go to church, but don’t have faith. They thought it was funny that people would go to church just to be seen as believing in something they do, so they can be part of the super secret magic club. It’s saying, look how quaint these people are, with their wishful thinking and belief in a ghost full of holes. Death and taxes, unless you happen to be a tax exempt religion.

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Ep 298: Menopause

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“You came, and then you walked away.”

I wonder how much money people get paid to be on a show like hoarders. What would your limit be if someone paid you to live like a complete and utter slob? I think for me it would have to be at least 6 to 7 figures, depending on the length of time. You basically put your whole life out there, like judgement day, allowing the masses to see exactly how horrible your life has become. We love it. We love watching how horrible and shitty other peoples lives have gotten. It makes us feel that much better about how sad and pitiful our own lives have become. I intend to do it, therefore I have done it. Poor words to live by. These people suffer from over consumerism. They are doing exactly what the government states is a perfect citizen, only they don’t know when to stop. You took to heart the immortal words from the bumper sticker about having the most stuff when you die. Well guess what, you didn’t win did you? You give jobs to people who’s title is Professional Organizer. In what kind of society do people need to hire a person to organize all their shit? That is very sad to me. When I have too much time to sit and get all inside my head about shit, I tend to get very sad at how the world thinks and acts. I wish everyone would take the time to look at themselves and what they are doing. Because we’re doing it all wrong. I’m very depressed that my life isn’t lived out on Pandora. I am very depressed about the fact that Pandora is so beautiful in it’s complexity, but fake in it’s reality. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, because I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be Navi.

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Ep 292: A New Year

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“I came here to fuck and do blow, and maybe die.”

Let’s start the year on a positive note, that way after we sober up and realize it’s just the same shit year after year after year, we won’t be so fucking pist that this is how we’re spending our time. Seriously, it’s all the same shit, we just have different ways to spend money. That’s what we’re here for. I am a consumer, and I am good at it. What are you selling, I don’t give a fuck, I’ll take twenty. Can you deliver it to my front door? Even better. I spend my time reading, writing, trying to leave something behind, something that will attempt to stand the test of time. That future generations will find this and read it and listen and say to themselves… Jesus fucking christ. They really fucked up their shit. Happy New Year. No fear two beers with new hair past due.

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Ep 285: Voodoo Doll

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“You couldn’t abort the antichrist.”

Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being an efficacious way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe in ridiculous ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place their responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion!

I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I’m sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It’s human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you’re starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It’s very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don’t you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It’s appalling at how the country bends over backwards to accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It’s silly to the point of embarrassment.

You’ve all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn’t jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don’t you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don’t let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don’t, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completely ludicrous. Isn’t it just as silly that every Sunday they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it’s ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn’t he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god’s image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, but we have to blindly believe in this higher power without the tiniest sliver of tangible evidence in order to be saved from some type of eternal punishment? Everything our scientific minds have figured out about the world contradicts what the bible states to be final truth. Someone has to be lying here, who are you going to believe? On one side we have science, which has gotten us where we are today, has given us medical breakthrough after breakthrough, can make highly accurate predictions about the physical world we live in, and has given us all of the modern convenience we have become accustomed to, or religion, which has made people hate and kill other people who have conflicting belief systems, gives them a way out when they are ashamed to admit to doing something horrible, has brought down a whole lot of pointless bloodshed and suffering on humanity, the dark ages, and has made scum bags like Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton so popular. The choice is yours, please choose based on what your mind tells you to choose, not what you were scared into believing.

Which brings up my last point in this essay. Any organization that has to scare you into believing what it preaches, is not a good organization to begin with. There is a reason you are afraid you will go to hell if you don’t believe. There is a reason every single commandment starts out with the words “You shall FEAR and love god.” If they weren’t able to scare you into believing, all they would have is a silly children’s fairytale, and as we all know, when we grow up and become adults, we put away our childish things. Including our beliefs in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and god. There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is no god, and there is no devil. These are all tools of the trade created to frighten you from the day you are born into believing a flawed system that has no other goal than to influence you in your day to day life, to get you to give them your hard earned money, and to build their numbers, just in case they have to start another holy war like they did back in the middle ages. The crusades was the equivalent of our modern day troops fighting a war with the Canadians because the Canadians don’t believe that Santa Claus really is the one who comes down the chimney on christmas eve to deliver presents to everyone. Sounds silly doesn’t it? That’s what your belief system sounds like to any rational, logically thinking person.

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