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Ep 287: Naggers

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“I want everything to be awesome, I wanna try ecstasy.”

First of all, I would like to apologize for getting thrown off my game during this episode. It’s hard to concentrate on what I’m trying to say when we have little jack fuck pud pounders in the chat spamming the word “Naggers” over and over again. Feel free to drop by his profile and leave him a comment. He may be able to get away with that kind of shit with some of these other shows, but this is the jamhole, and we have people that are bad asses when it comes to dealing with this kind of shit. I understand we talk a lot of shit, and sometimes, some of that shit is going to get blown back in our faces. I also understand that we do our shows on ustream, and second to youtube, there is a lot of bored kids just looking to mess with random people. What he doesn’t know is that I have his IP address now, (208.67.216.132) and we can mess with him a lot more than he messed with us. I’m just a little sad kittens that because of this, I didn’t really get to say what I wanted to say, and the show sounded rough. I guess I have to keep in mind that after doing over 280 episodes, not all of them are going to be brilliant. That’s my OCD for you. Anyways, last nights show just felt off to me. On top of the spammer, then Ustream disconnects on us right when things got back on track. Few things in this world annoy me more than when I’m trying to do a show, and the technology we use has problems. I guess it was due time. We’ve had a great run on Ustream, and it’s been a while since it really fucked us like that. Nothing is perfect in this online world we live in, I just need to learn to accept it, deal with it, and move on. By the way, I’ve started recording our live shows on ustream again, so if you missed it, you can go back and check the archives of the main camera. Good stuff.

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Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

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“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

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Ep 283: The Chosen People

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“Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club.”

So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new phenomenon sweeping our nation called Jersey Shores. My first thought upon watching this Mtv amtrak trainwreck was holy fucking shit, are these people for real? I guess living in Montana for so long, I’ve been lucky enough to shelter myself from large cities where you might find these kinds of people. When I say people, trust me, I use the term in the loosest fashion. Now I have a couple of things here I want to say about this. First of all, I’m blown away that people like this actually exist, and have been able to survive on this planet long enough to actually become old enough to fuck chicks, thus in turn keeping the guido bloodline alive and well. It just goes to show you that in order to survive in our new modern age of convenience, you don’t need any rational thought whatsoever. Survival of the fittest has turned into survival of, I don’t even know what the fuck to call it.  All it takes is money, and these retards just so happen to be lucky enough to be born into families that seem to have money taken care of. It’s kind of like a lottery of sorts. The second thing I wanted to say about Jersey Shores is this. Does Mtv know people are watching this show solely to make fun of it? I mean, I understand that regardless of the reason behind why people watch, all that matters is that they are watching it, but could there possibly be people out there that watch this show because they are truly interested in this whole guido / guidette lifestyle? The simple fact that my spell check doesn’t understand these two words, and underlines them with the little red squiggly, makes me think that it’s just a stupid made up thing that will hopefully, go away with time. My main concern is that this doesn’t turn into another 8 mile problem. If you aren’t aware of the 8 mile effect, let me break it down for you real quick. When the movie 8 mile came out, it created with it a whole subset genre of kids who all of the sudden thought they could rap, and it flooded myspace and youtube with a shit ton of these untalented retards all trying to make it in the hip hop game. I really hope that Jersey Shores doesn’t create a subset culture of kids who think its cool to act like these gelled hair guido douche bags. Please, I like to think that kids have more sense than this, but history says otherwise. It’s things like this that make me think the whole 2012 thing might not be that far off. Don’t get me wrong, the world isn’t going to end because of a polar shift due to planetary alignment or anything silly like that, but it might end because of how many retards are running around fucking shit up. We are vastly approaching the point of no return, I only hope people can pull their heads out of their asses in time to see it.

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Ep 282: Rape Child

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“I can’t strip to this.”

There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I have a long list of shit that seriously needs to stop happening before we can continue to evolve as a society, as a species, and as individual human beings. First and foremost, this under age teen pregnancy shit has got to stop. There is nothing fun about having kids, unless you consider wrecking the holy fuck out of your twat / stomach / sex life / life in general, fun. Or spending over $10,000 in the first year alone, or waking up at all hours of the night to a screaming pile of tears, piss and shit fun. I don’t know what your definition of fun is, but that is not mine. I honestly don’t see the appeal of having to deal with something like that for the next 18 to 30 years of my life. No thanks. Honestly, I don’t think you could pay me enough money to deal with that type of shit. Plus, have you seen how many people we have managed to pack onto this little planet of ours? We are almost at seven BILLION people! That is completely fucking ridiculous and unacceptable. We have gotten lazy, fat, apathetic, and pathetic as a culture, and the more time goes by, the more we are showing signs of these sad physical and mental problems. Every day I’m out in the thick of it, dealing with these fucking retards, and I see that look of self entitlement on the faces of damn near every person I pass by, and it makes me want to punch them right in their stolid smug faces. Perhaps it’s more blatant up here in the Flathead Valley because there is such a strong, blind religious following. These people love to breed uncontrollably, are against abortion, are the biggest self righteous hypocrites you’ll ever cross paths with, and above all else, place the blame for their fucked up lives not on themselves, but on their made up invisible friends. If life is good, then it’s god making it good and answering their prayers. If life is shit, then it’s satan fucking with them. I love this valley a lot. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived, but the people here leave much to be desired, both on an intellectual level, and on a nice human being level. Tune in next episode as we continue to go through the list of why shit is all fucked up. This is chapter one.

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Ep 280: Fear

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“Yea, they fuck sheep and stuff, so…”

Today I took a stroll around the writer’s block, needing to go out for some fresh air. The air was chilly, the clouds hung in place like large cottony fluff. Don’t step on a crack, or else you break your mother’s back. I wonder what happens if you smoke it? Does her back catch on fire? Avoid walking under ladders because some how you will ruin your whole day. Further down the block I saw the sign, but it did nothing for my mind. It simply pointed out the fact that coming soon was another shit movie that some large company is going to complain about when people download it for free. They weren’t your demographic anyways. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. But what if you love dying? In that case I think it would be better to never love at all, then to love to die. We all love to lie, every three minutes, or so I’m told. Try it, in normal everyday conversation. Try not to lie. I dare you. I love you honey. See, you lied right there. You don’t really love her. You prefer being with her more than you prefer gouging your own eyes out with her tongue. We’re still getting gouged at the pump, we’re still trying to get out of that slump. How big is this block? Pay attention in school or run the fear of being ruled by some upper class prick who sucks dick for a little fuel. Times are tough, we’re getting it from all sides. Be careful out there when you choose to decide.

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Ep 279: Overeaters Anonymous

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“You got so upset because I said you had a small dick.”

Ok, so I got an early press copy of the new Snoop Dogg album entitled “Malice N Wonderland” because obviously we are press, and I just have to say, I don’t understand anymore. The intro, and every single song has a reference to jerkin. Is this some sort of new term the white man doesn’t understand? Like skeet skeet was for them in the 90s, the 00’s are going to be all about jerkin. I thought I used to know what jerkin was, you know, dick in hand, something sexy (or humiliating) on the computer screen, sitting in your desk chair with a paper towel next to you. That was jerkin, but all this jerkin talk on this new album, I just don’t get it. Also, if it hasn’t been said already, let me just throw this out there right now. I think you should retire Snoop. Not because you are getting old or anything like that, but because I don’t believe you have anything else to say that’s worth hearing. It’s ok Snoop, you’ve done a lot for the game, but you are fast approaching the point where if you continue to keep making albums, you will start to negatively effect hip hop. We will all L B C ya later… You can still make beats and produce, just please stop rapping. The game has been really good to you, don’t make the same mistake hundreds before you have made. Get out while the gettin is good.

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Ep 278: Cool Whip

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“Satan outed me as a cock smoking fairy.”

And now I present to you an excerpt from my conversations online with religious people. This is in response to me asking her how she got caught up with the fresh life church movement here. This is word for word in case you were curious. Keep in mind this person is an adult now…

“I see, well it’s funny you ask. Long story short, I as a child chose to believe in Christ. I also slowly began to realise that my mom was completely crazy and was isolated for most of my teen years except for being allowed to attend homeschool choir and church. I’m a musician so I just participated in the youth band…but I was misunderstood there by most everyone so I looked for a different church when I was 18, and eventually went to fresh life a little while before i moved away. I’ve been to the bottum of my existance and back, I’ve looked at my faith as objectively and cynically as possible, nearly leaving it once or twice, and I have found that I can’t just take somebody’s word for how life is, or who God is. It’s a road we all have to take on our own, and if you can find a humble trustworthy person to bounce ideas off of, it helps, but you gotta be able to tell if they’re full of crap or not. I’ve been pretty convinced so far that Levi Lusko of Fresh life is not full of it, so thats really how I was sucked in, and it’s the only church that I really miss. Of course I’m pretty sure I understand what you mean about the children, I was one of them, and I admit I’ve felt brainwashed sometimes. But if you look at those old people churches you might notice how dull and empty they are. I mean who wants to be around crabby old people who sing songs from the 1800’s? not me. And I think it’s really the parents responsibility to not shove anything down thier kids throats… if they do somewhere down the road i think the kids will still realise they have a choice and probably go for the opposite. But i don’t think the church has much control over that except in what they teach. I grew up with plenty of children in church who are now punk rockers, athiests, or whatever because they decided. Well I’ve probably rambled on enough.”

So I reply…

That is troubling to me. You never had a chance, you were the child of christian parents. You think you had a chance, but you never knew any different, and you had the fear put in you at a very early age.  You don’t take somebody’s word for what life is, you figure it out on your own. Saying it’s god is just a cop out to give responsibility to some made up being. Church is all you know, and to step away from that frightens you. The choice shouldn’t be either old people churches or fresh life church, it should be church or no church. All churches boil down to the same basic principles. Just because you are evolving a religion from something dull and boring to something not dull and boring, doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a religion. Different shapes of shit are still shit deep down inside. Kids don’t have a choice when they are indoctrinated from birth by being baptized and being forced to go to church, then asking them after a good 10 to 15 years of that whether or not they believe in god. Of course they do, because they are afraid to death that if they don’t, they will burn eternally in this made up place, that preachers invented to scare you into buying into their fake religion in the first place. It’s a very vicious cycle. I would recommend reading the god delusion or letter to a christian nation if you are into expanding your mind.
mat

“That is troubling to me. You never had a chance, you were the child of christian parents. You think you had a chance, but you never knew any different, and you had the fear put in you at a very early age.  You don’t take somebody’s word for what life is, you figure it out on your own. Saying it’s god is just a cop out to give responsibility to some made up being. Church is all you know, and to step away from that frightens you. The choice shouldn’t be either old people churches or fresh life church, it should be church or no church. All churches boil down to the same basic principles. Just because you are evolving a religion from something dull and boring to something not dull and boring, doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a religion. Different shapes of shit are still shit deep down inside. Kids don’t have a choice when they are indoctrinated from birth by being baptized and being forced to go to church, then asking them after a good 10 to 15 years of that whether or not they believe in god. Of course they do, because they are afraid to death that if they don’t, they will burn eternally in this made up place, that preachers invented to scare you into buying into their fake religion in the first place. It’s a very vicious cycle. I would recommend reading the god delusion or letter to a christian nation if you are into expanding your mind.”

mat

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