Tag Archives: technology - Page 2

Ep 302: Business or Pleasure

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“Dana’s in the bathroom right now, and she wants to blow you.”

I was going to write something completely clever and thought provoking here, but I don’t want to spoil the actual episode too much. Plus because of who we had on as a guest, I’m not really allowed to say anything. I know this is a blog of sorts, but you know how these things are. Basically, we’re on a need to know basis, and you simply don’t need to know. Don’t worry, I don’t really need to know either. The first rule of freelance private sector security consulting, is you don’t talk about freelance private sector security consulting. That’s right, not even on a talk show. You especially don’t write about it on a blog either. Just keep quiet, pretend you never saw or heard this, and stay safe. It’s a crazy world out there.

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Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

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“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

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Ep 284: Biological Clocks

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“You’re more of a dyke than I am a fag.”

This will be the next part continuing our why shit is all fucked up series. I’m going to go ahead and say that the show notes from last friday is part two, because I firmly believe that the people represented by the kids in jersey shores are definitely part of the problem we are facing today. So this part will be focused on greed and money. As a little recap, we’ve already covered underage pregnancy / overpopulation, and douche bags (guidos). I am a firm believer in the idea that as soon as the whole focus of life became “get as much as you can and fuck everyone else” shit started going downhill, and fast. I’m not exactly sure when that began, probably around the same time pronouns were invented. This idea comes from an old Terrence Mckenna lecture. As soon as objects were given ownership; as in no longer is this just a tool, but now this is my tool, or your tool, his tool, or her tool; that is when the problem began. Rather than everyone working together for a common goal, helping each other out along the way, working together to make things better, we are in a constant battle with everyone not related to us to get more stuff than they have. This seems very silly to me. I mean obviously you can’t take all your useless crap with you when you die. I guess you could leave it to your kids, but chances are, they are going to end up throwing it away anyways. Once that happens, your whole life has just been wasted. What we should be doing is working together to make the place we live better than it was when we got here. It would be nice if the generation before us left us a world they were proud of, rather than giving us a world full of problems they created, and the generation before them, and so on. The problem is, we have this whole economical system coupled with the bombardment of advertisements 24 / 7 hitting us in all our senses, all the time, making us think we need what they are selling. If you think about it, money isn’t shit. It’s a piece of paper that, once upon a time, kind of meant something. Once upon a time it actually represented an amount of precious metals. Now a days it doesn’t represent shit. The government is in debt, the people are in debt. But all that debt is just a computer generated number. It doesn’t mean anything in the great scheme of things. It’s a way of keeping us busy, slaving away our whole lives to get just enough to survive, meanwhile, those in charge are having a blast while at the same time completely fucking up society, the planet, and all those who live here. Greed is the motivating force to get most of the lazy humans off their big fat asses, and out the door to work in some form or another. This is why communism will never work, and why I believe, Americans hate communism. They are too lazy for it. If you think about it, communism is a great idea, assuming the people control it, not a dictator. If you think slavery is dead, think again. We are all wasting our lives to make their lives better. Why do we do it? Because we need money. Why do we need money? Because that is the system we live in. I really think that if we all worked together for a common goal, instead of against each other for our own selfish causes, we would be in a lot better shape than we are now. I also believe we would be vastly more evolved than we are now. We may never see our full capabilities realized, because we will kill each other and ourselves way before that happens.

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Ep 270: Quantum Leap

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“I’m not a doctor, and the device is what does the work on your body.”

It’s now the evening of Thursday, November 12th 2009, and I just got finished up another long back breaking day of work. The only thought running laps in my mind has been the surreal fact that in the next 24 hours, I will have my first ever surgery. The kicker is that the first surgery I get to experience just so happens to be on my dick. Yea, I thought the same exact thing, lucky me. I imagine it going a little something like this: I arrive at noon, greeted with smiles from both sides of the facility. I will of course, have to fill out more paper work. They will offer me some water. Being slightly parched from my conventional nervousness I will graciously accept the little paper cup. I down it in one big gulp, and I instantly know something is off. Too late. The water has a weird taste, must be Culligan… Oh fuck, here we go. Everything starts imprudently shifting, eyes getting blurry, head getting fuzzy, equilibrium all fucked up, brain dizzy, watch out for the floor Mat… I’m somehow caught in mid fall by a large man pushing a wheel chair. Where did he come from I think to myself. Weird… As I drift in and out of consciousness, he wheels me into the operating room, where my now limp body is carefully transferred onto the cold lifeless metal that is the surgery table. Nightmarish imagery flashes in and out of my mind’s eye, taking bits and pieces from what my real eyes are seeing and transforming them into something reminiscent of a horrorfest movie. I’m surrounded by a group of people I don’t know, all waiting for the harbinger to raise the mighty scalpel and bury it into my shaft. In a ritualistic sacrifice of sorts, the group joins hands as they chant the ancient words. This is the exorcyst. This is my penile exorcystem of a down… (ok, that was a stretch) The demon that has made my woody woodpecker it’s home will be forcefully ejaculated, but not without putting up a fight. Somehow it feels like the demon is holding on. It doesn’t want to leave. They never leave quietly, and not without fucking some shit up first. I can feel the tentacles tightening their grasp on whatever part of my corpus spongiosum they are entangled in. I feel them loosen with each swipe of the blade, I can hear the shrieks of the dying demon within. Should have chosen another place to hole up in demon. In this battle, you will not emerge the victor. I will. I already have. One down, two to go. In the quantum universe, this is all said and done. I am back home relaxing, nursing my wound, icing my cock and balls. Then again, in another universe, something went horribly wrong and they had to amputate my captain hook. Let’s all wish me luck!

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Ep 265: iDon’t

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“Don’t put your dick in anything else, or you’ll die.”

I hate when you start playing a video game, for example, the zelda game for the nintendo ds… So I hate when you stop playing the game for a few years, then maybe one day you feel bored, so you pick up the game to play again. Where the fuck am I and what the fuck am I supposed to be doing? It’s been so long, I have no idea where I am in the game. Ok, here is my boat, I guess I’ll hop on that and go somewhere. So like two hours later, I finally figure out where I’m supposed to be. It’s a stupid dungeon that’s timed, and there is all these knight things walking around trying to smack me and take my time away. I tried to get through this stupid dungeon for another hour or so, and finally got mad and remembered why it’s been like three years since I’ve played this game. I don’t like that dungeon.

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Ep 221: Lumpy

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“Are you ok? I thought I heard a child crying.”

Welcome to the best, longest running, most amazing, funniest podcast in Montana! It’s tourist season again. People come here and spend their hard earned money. Why come here rather than spend your money where you live? Because where you live fucking sucks, is overcrowded, and smells funny. What’s that smell? Hot pee!! That’s just a few of the reasons why. So they come up here and breath life into our otherwise dead economy, and that allows us to make it through the winter, when everyone goes back the fuck home. Hey, if it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot them? I swear to fuck if i hear that goddamn “joke” one more time I’m gonna explode. Hey, you think its hot now? Keep living the wrong way. Fucking goddamn sinners.

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