Tag Archives: danni - Page 2

Ep 290: Grammar, Penis, and Pussy

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“I don’t need to hear you, I just need to see those titties.”

On account of my rather lengthy essay on Christmas and why religion sucks in general on the show notes for episode 289, I’m going to keep this brief. I’m sure most of you didn’t read that anyways, so when you read this and see that I am not really writing anything, you can go back and read that. All I really wanted to say is Wednesday will be the last Jamhole episode of 2009, and of the decade. What can you look forward to from us this next decade? A shitload of episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, lots of laughs, videos, live audience shows, hip hop albums, and overall awesomeness you’ve come to expect from us. I’m very excited to see where Moore’s law takes us technologically in the upcoming decade. Please, can you do me a huge favor? Don’t call it the aughts whatever you do. That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If you do decide to call it the aughts, I would seriously consider firing whoever came up with that name, because they were clearly fucking with you. In closing, I would just like to thank all of you who have donated your money, time, and support to us. You guys are what keeps this show going. We really do appreciate it. Keep telling your friends about The Jamhole, keep donating, keep rating and subscribing to us on Itunes, not only on your computer, but all of your friends computers as well. Keep participating in the forums and the comments on the show notes. Please, if you are new, and you just want to say hi, send an email to info@thejamhole.com and let us know you’re out there listening, and you enjoy what we’re doing here. Thank you, and we’ll see you Wednesday.

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Ep 289: The Christmas Cheer

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“I mowed down a tree because it was pissing me off.”

The presents have all been opened, the carefully cut and taped wrapping paper that once hid the anticipation and surprise from the unsuspecting eyes of those who would be the recipients, now lays in heaping crumpled mounds inside our trash cans, awaiting their final trip to once again become one with the ground. The ground will barely recognize the wrapping paper. What was once a life giving tree, roots firmly planted in the dirt, along with it’s companions, holding the planet together, is now a colorfully unrecognizable, clinquant, chemically treated mess, one second treated with the utmost care, looked at with adoring eyes, the next ripped to shreds and discarded without a second thought.  Festive alcoholic drinks and copious amounts of food consumed ad nauseum. It’s a holiday celebration after all, and that means we gorge ourselves past the point of complete satisfaction, until our already oversized stomachs seemingly burst at the seams, our arteries becoming clogged like a rush hour traffic jam, our hearts no longer able to get the oxygen rich blood to the organs that need it most, causing our already ridiculous health insurance rates to get even higher.

We are a fast living, high risk, unhealthy, apathetic society, and for that, we will pay the ultimate price. The credit cards we depend on to live the life we want, the life we think we deserve, rather than the life we can actually afford, the life that has been created by all the tiny insignificant choices we have made thus far, have all been swiped and taken to their limits, giving us another reason to work shitty awful jobs, wasting our lives away to make a better standard of living for someone else. That’s right, another christmas comes and goes for the inhabitants of this wonderful world we live in. I love how most of us cherish this holiday with all our hearts and minds, with our very soul. This silly day that was started by those in charge (the church), way back in about the 4th century, for one reason, or set of beliefs, but throughout the millenia, is now celebrated with a completely different meaning. I mean of course, the christians will always consider it their flagship holiday, the celebration of their lord and savoir’s birthday. But to the rest of the world who doesn’t believe in that, its just another day you gave special meaning to because of something that happened way before any of us, or our ancestors, were alive to remember. For all we know, it never happened, or at least not the way they tell you it did. You see, the christians have a bad habit of taking bits and pieces of all the other, much older religions of the world, and making it their own. I mean fuck, at least L. Ron Hubbard had the inspiration and the drive to come up with something totally original for his silly little belief system people now call a religion.

What you all believe in as modern day Christianity, is really just a large washed out conglomerate of the very early religions. Of course, the names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent of course, but once you get past the new design theme template, its the same old boring stuff made up to explain things we didn’t understand. We don’t call them “gods” now, we call it science. Although, if science had the same drama and pizzaz that the greek gods had, we’d all be just fine. Why do we have such great science, that we can describe with great accuracy the processes that make up the world we live in? How can we explain now what was once explained then with the use of personified gods? Because we have rational thinking minds capable of thinking very brilliant, bewildering ideas, and the longer we’re on the planet for, the more we will evolve these minds into thinking and creating great ideas. Now, who gave us a mind that works like this in the first place? Some say we’ve evolved from lower forms of it, some say it’s god. All I know is that the science for evolutionary theory is pretty sound, and is being pioneered by some of the most brilliant minds ever to ponder their own existence origins, and most of you would agree with that.

But, even with our modern day technology and sensitive measuring instruments, we can only go back so far. I firmly believe the longer we are allowed to evolve and grow on this planet, that one day we will get to the point where we figure out exactly how everything came into existence. I also believe that if we just say that god put us here, and end it at that, we would never have gotten out of the caves. I’m also very afraid that if things keep going the way they are going, we will never have a chance to see that. So help me if you fuck this up for the rest of us, and we don’t get answers to philosophy’s great questions, or at least get some cool Ray Kurzweil technological advancements happening, before you all destroy the world, I am going to find you and seriously fuck  up the afterlife you believe is there. I’ve been baptized and confirmed motherfuckers, don’t fuck with me. If god ends up really existing, I’m going to heaven, and don’t think I won’t remember who helped the world along down the path of global suicide it seems so eager to follow. Do not fuck this up for the rest of us just because you are a greedy, power hungry son of a bitch. If you end up in heaven and I see you, and it’s your fault the world ended before I got to really see some cool shit, I am eternally fucking your shit up!

So what would it take to create a mind that was aware it was created? Then the mind will try to figure out where it came from. That seems to be a running theme with being self aware. Unless you created the mind so it was unable to figure out where it came from, or incapable, or indifferent to the matter. Like if you used a plus 5 Wool Over Eyes spell or something. But if that were the case, then something would have had to create it that way. Something had to be there to cast the spell. You would say that god (insert your deity here) created it. The fact that we have a mind that allows us, and encourages us to figure out out how our reality works and why it works the way it does. The very idea that we can ponder our existence, and our origins, tells me that we were not created by a god. Unless that god wanted us to eventually find him one day, he would not have given us the ability to do so. I’m not sure how we got to self aware mind from talking about christmas, but anyways, to bring it back to the reason for the season…

I also find it weird and suspect, that Jesus has the only birthday in the history of human beings in which we give each other presents, rather than the person who was “born.” How pist would you be if on your birthday, everyone gave each other gifts instead of you? Especially if you died for their sins! I mean seriously, how ungrateful can you possibly get? If your still reading this, you must be as high as I am, so now, on to the notes…

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Ep 287: Naggers

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“I want everything to be awesome, I wanna try ecstasy.”

First of all, I would like to apologize for getting thrown off my game during this episode. It’s hard to concentrate on what I’m trying to say when we have little jack fuck pud pounders in the chat spamming the word “Naggers” over and over again. Feel free to drop by his profile and leave him a comment. He may be able to get away with that kind of shit with some of these other shows, but this is the jamhole, and we have people that are bad asses when it comes to dealing with this kind of shit. I understand we talk a lot of shit, and sometimes, some of that shit is going to get blown back in our faces. I also understand that we do our shows on ustream, and second to youtube, there is a lot of bored kids just looking to mess with random people. What he doesn’t know is that I have his IP address now, (208.67.216.132) and we can mess with him a lot more than he messed with us. I’m just a little sad kittens that because of this, I didn’t really get to say what I wanted to say, and the show sounded rough. I guess I have to keep in mind that after doing over 280 episodes, not all of them are going to be brilliant. That’s my OCD for you. Anyways, last nights show just felt off to me. On top of the spammer, then Ustream disconnects on us right when things got back on track. Few things in this world annoy me more than when I’m trying to do a show, and the technology we use has problems. I guess it was due time. We’ve had a great run on Ustream, and it’s been a while since it really fucked us like that. Nothing is perfect in this online world we live in, I just need to learn to accept it, deal with it, and move on. By the way, I’ve started recording our live shows on ustream again, so if you missed it, you can go back and check the archives of the main camera. Good stuff.

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Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

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“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

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Ep 285: Voodoo Doll

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“You couldn’t abort the antichrist.”

Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being an efficacious way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe in ridiculous ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place their responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion!

I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I’m sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It’s human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you’re starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It’s very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don’t you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It’s appalling at how the country bends over backwards to accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It’s silly to the point of embarrassment.

You’ve all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn’t jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don’t you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don’t let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don’t, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completely ludicrous. Isn’t it just as silly that every Sunday they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it’s ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn’t he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god’s image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, but we have to blindly believe in this higher power without the tiniest sliver of tangible evidence in order to be saved from some type of eternal punishment? Everything our scientific minds have figured out about the world contradicts what the bible states to be final truth. Someone has to be lying here, who are you going to believe? On one side we have science, which has gotten us where we are today, has given us medical breakthrough after breakthrough, can make highly accurate predictions about the physical world we live in, and has given us all of the modern convenience we have become accustomed to, or religion, which has made people hate and kill other people who have conflicting belief systems, gives them a way out when they are ashamed to admit to doing something horrible, has brought down a whole lot of pointless bloodshed and suffering on humanity, the dark ages, and has made scum bags like Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton so popular. The choice is yours, please choose based on what your mind tells you to choose, not what you were scared into believing.

Which brings up my last point in this essay. Any organization that has to scare you into believing what it preaches, is not a good organization to begin with. There is a reason you are afraid you will go to hell if you don’t believe. There is a reason every single commandment starts out with the words “You shall FEAR and love god.” If they weren’t able to scare you into believing, all they would have is a silly children’s fairytale, and as we all know, when we grow up and become adults, we put away our childish things. Including our beliefs in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and god. There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is no god, and there is no devil. These are all tools of the trade created to frighten you from the day you are born into believing a flawed system that has no other goal than to influence you in your day to day life, to get you to give them your hard earned money, and to build their numbers, just in case they have to start another holy war like they did back in the middle ages. The crusades was the equivalent of our modern day troops fighting a war with the Canadians because the Canadians don’t believe that Santa Claus really is the one who comes down the chimney on christmas eve to deliver presents to everyone. Sounds silly doesn’t it? That’s what your belief system sounds like to any rational, logically thinking person.

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Ep 284: Biological Clocks

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“You’re more of a dyke than I am a fag.”

This will be the next part continuing our why shit is all fucked up series. I’m going to go ahead and say that the show notes from last friday is part two, because I firmly believe that the people represented by the kids in jersey shores are definitely part of the problem we are facing today. So this part will be focused on greed and money. As a little recap, we’ve already covered underage pregnancy / overpopulation, and douche bags (guidos). I am a firm believer in the idea that as soon as the whole focus of life became “get as much as you can and fuck everyone else” shit started going downhill, and fast. I’m not exactly sure when that began, probably around the same time pronouns were invented. This idea comes from an old Terrence Mckenna lecture. As soon as objects were given ownership; as in no longer is this just a tool, but now this is my tool, or your tool, his tool, or her tool; that is when the problem began. Rather than everyone working together for a common goal, helping each other out along the way, working together to make things better, we are in a constant battle with everyone not related to us to get more stuff than they have. This seems very silly to me. I mean obviously you can’t take all your useless crap with you when you die. I guess you could leave it to your kids, but chances are, they are going to end up throwing it away anyways. Once that happens, your whole life has just been wasted. What we should be doing is working together to make the place we live better than it was when we got here. It would be nice if the generation before us left us a world they were proud of, rather than giving us a world full of problems they created, and the generation before them, and so on. The problem is, we have this whole economical system coupled with the bombardment of advertisements 24 / 7 hitting us in all our senses, all the time, making us think we need what they are selling. If you think about it, money isn’t shit. It’s a piece of paper that, once upon a time, kind of meant something. Once upon a time it actually represented an amount of precious metals. Now a days it doesn’t represent shit. The government is in debt, the people are in debt. But all that debt is just a computer generated number. It doesn’t mean anything in the great scheme of things. It’s a way of keeping us busy, slaving away our whole lives to get just enough to survive, meanwhile, those in charge are having a blast while at the same time completely fucking up society, the planet, and all those who live here. Greed is the motivating force to get most of the lazy humans off their big fat asses, and out the door to work in some form or another. This is why communism will never work, and why I believe, Americans hate communism. They are too lazy for it. If you think about it, communism is a great idea, assuming the people control it, not a dictator. If you think slavery is dead, think again. We are all wasting our lives to make their lives better. Why do we do it? Because we need money. Why do we need money? Because that is the system we live in. I really think that if we all worked together for a common goal, instead of against each other for our own selfish causes, we would be in a lot better shape than we are now. I also believe we would be vastly more evolved than we are now. We may never see our full capabilities realized, because we will kill each other and ourselves way before that happens.

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Ep 283: The Chosen People

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“Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club.”

So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new phenomenon sweeping our nation called Jersey Shores. My first thought upon watching this Mtv amtrak trainwreck was holy fucking shit, are these people for real? I guess living in Montana for so long, I’ve been lucky enough to shelter myself from large cities where you might find these kinds of people. When I say people, trust me, I use the term in the loosest fashion. Now I have a couple of things here I want to say about this. First of all, I’m blown away that people like this actually exist, and have been able to survive on this planet long enough to actually become old enough to fuck chicks, thus in turn keeping the guido bloodline alive and well. It just goes to show you that in order to survive in our new modern age of convenience, you don’t need any rational thought whatsoever. Survival of the fittest has turned into survival of, I don’t even know what the fuck to call it.  All it takes is money, and these retards just so happen to be lucky enough to be born into families that seem to have money taken care of. It’s kind of like a lottery of sorts. The second thing I wanted to say about Jersey Shores is this. Does Mtv know people are watching this show solely to make fun of it? I mean, I understand that regardless of the reason behind why people watch, all that matters is that they are watching it, but could there possibly be people out there that watch this show because they are truly interested in this whole guido / guidette lifestyle? The simple fact that my spell check doesn’t understand these two words, and underlines them with the little red squiggly, makes me think that it’s just a stupid made up thing that will hopefully, go away with time. My main concern is that this doesn’t turn into another 8 mile problem. If you aren’t aware of the 8 mile effect, let me break it down for you real quick. When the movie 8 mile came out, it created with it a whole subset genre of kids who all of the sudden thought they could rap, and it flooded myspace and youtube with a shit ton of these untalented retards all trying to make it in the hip hop game. I really hope that Jersey Shores doesn’t create a subset culture of kids who think its cool to act like these gelled hair guido douche bags. Please, I like to think that kids have more sense than this, but history says otherwise. It’s things like this that make me think the whole 2012 thing might not be that far off. Don’t get me wrong, the world isn’t going to end because of a polar shift due to planetary alignment or anything silly like that, but it might end because of how many retards are running around fucking shit up. We are vastly approaching the point of no return, I only hope people can pull their heads out of their asses in time to see it.

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Ep 282: Rape Child

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“I can’t strip to this.”

There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I have a long list of shit that seriously needs to stop happening before we can continue to evolve as a society, as a species, and as individual human beings. First and foremost, this under age teen pregnancy shit has got to stop. There is nothing fun about having kids, unless you consider wrecking the holy fuck out of your twat / stomach / sex life / life in general, fun. Or spending over $10,000 in the first year alone, or waking up at all hours of the night to a screaming pile of tears, piss and shit fun. I don’t know what your definition of fun is, but that is not mine. I honestly don’t see the appeal of having to deal with something like that for the next 18 to 30 years of my life. No thanks. Honestly, I don’t think you could pay me enough money to deal with that type of shit. Plus, have you seen how many people we have managed to pack onto this little planet of ours? We are almost at seven BILLION people! That is completely fucking ridiculous and unacceptable. We have gotten lazy, fat, apathetic, and pathetic as a culture, and the more time goes by, the more we are showing signs of these sad physical and mental problems. Every day I’m out in the thick of it, dealing with these fucking retards, and I see that look of self entitlement on the faces of damn near every person I pass by, and it makes me want to punch them right in their stolid smug faces. Perhaps it’s more blatant up here in the Flathead Valley because there is such a strong, blind religious following. These people love to breed uncontrollably, are against abortion, are the biggest self righteous hypocrites you’ll ever cross paths with, and above all else, place the blame for their fucked up lives not on themselves, but on their made up invisible friends. If life is good, then it’s god making it good and answering their prayers. If life is shit, then it’s satan fucking with them. I love this valley a lot. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived, but the people here leave much to be desired, both on an intellectual level, and on a nice human being level. Tune in next episode as we continue to go through the list of why shit is all fucked up. This is chapter one.

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Ep 281: Sexcapades

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“That’s one of the fringe benefits of being a homo is punching bitches.”

Every now and then there comes a time when bitches go and over step their boundaries. This has happened twice before in Jamhole history, where we actually took notice enough to put the call out to all Jamholians, to put a bitch in their place. Well, it’s happened again. The first time I can remember was a crazy stalker ex boyfriend of a girl I had some interest in a long time ago, the second time was a crazy psycho dead beat dad ex of a girl a friend of the show was dating. Well, this time it was neither a male, nor an ex of anyone. Basically, to sum up the story Danni told on the show here, some bitch found some pictures of Danni and put them up on 4chan (they have since been removed), along with Danni’s myspace and phone number stating that she was lonely. The pictures were apparently from when Danni was dating this guy a long time ago, and I guess that was enough to make this bitch freak the fuck out when she found them. I’m not sure why this guy still has pictures of Danni, and that really is neither here nor there. This is where you guys come in. We think it would be a good idea for you all to call up this fat fuck troll named Heather and let her know that putting people’s information on the internet without justifiable cause is not ok. Her phone number is 941.914.0502. You can text her pictures of your penis, or poop, call her, leave her messages, and basically get the point across that until she calls our voicemail line at 406.204.4687 with an apology, this will not stop. Feel free to make a craigslist posting, subscribe her to whatever sms services you can find, etc… Be creative. If there is one thing you are all good at, it’s teaching a lesson to stupid fat fuck pigs like Heather… And Heather, if you are reading this, all you have to do to make this stop is call 406.204.4687 and apologize. Once you do that, you can go back to your shitty life, stuffing your fat face with twinkies and ding dongs, or whatever it is you fat fucks stuff your fat faces with these days. Thank you.

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Ep 280: Fear

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“Yea, they fuck sheep and stuff, so…”

Today I took a stroll around the writer’s block, needing to go out for some fresh air. The air was chilly, the clouds hung in place like large cottony fluff. Don’t step on a crack, or else you break your mother’s back. I wonder what happens if you smoke it? Does her back catch on fire? Avoid walking under ladders because some how you will ruin your whole day. Further down the block I saw the sign, but it did nothing for my mind. It simply pointed out the fact that coming soon was another shit movie that some large company is going to complain about when people download it for free. They weren’t your demographic anyways. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. But what if you love dying? In that case I think it would be better to never love at all, then to love to die. We all love to lie, every three minutes, or so I’m told. Try it, in normal everyday conversation. Try not to lie. I dare you. I love you honey. See, you lied right there. You don’t really love her. You prefer being with her more than you prefer gouging your own eyes out with her tongue. We’re still getting gouged at the pump, we’re still trying to get out of that slump. How big is this block? Pay attention in school or run the fear of being ruled by some upper class prick who sucks dick for a little fuel. Times are tough, we’re getting it from all sides. Be careful out there when you choose to decide.

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