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“I don’t believe in evidence, I believe in magic and rainbows.”

The world teeters on the brink of complete destruction as we quickly approach a total world population of seven billion people. I feel like this might be a tad too many for our planet to support. The scary thing is, that even though we know we are running out of space, resources, and patience, people still insist on reproducing to an extreme degree. I know that everyone thinks the whole point of life is to have as many children as you possibly can before your dick falls off and your womb dries out, but if we want to really survive the fast approaching complete break down of society as we know it, some changes have to be made. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but maybe it’s time people stop having four, five, and even six kids per family. Maybe just for now, until we figure out where to put all you animals, we try to limit ourselves to one child, two at the maximum. We have made amazing breakthroughs in birth control, so don’t worry, you can still fuck till your little heart is content without giving birth once a year. Please, for the future of the children you all have already brought into this world, and for the rest of us who will live quite happy lives not having any children, stifle your seed. Either wrap it up, or feed that vagina some birth control. Your planet will thank you. If, of course, you decide not to heed my warning, then you can expect more pandemics to run wild in our society. Let’s just call it natures way of auto balancing the load.

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