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Ep 287: Naggers

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“I want everything to be awesome, I wanna try ecstasy.”

First of all, I would like to apologize for getting thrown off my game during this episode. It’s hard to concentrate on what I’m trying to say when we have little jack fuck pud pounders in the chat spamming the word “Naggers” over and over again. Feel free to drop by his profile and leave him a comment. He may be able to get away with that kind of shit with some of these other shows, but this is the jamhole, and we have people that are bad asses when it comes to dealing with this kind of shit. I understand we talk a lot of shit, and sometimes, some of that shit is going to get blown back in our faces. I also understand that we do our shows on ustream, and second to youtube, there is a lot of bored kids just looking to mess with random people. What he doesn’t know is that I have his IP address now, (208.67.216.132) and we can mess with him a lot more than he messed with us. I’m just a little sad kittens that because of this, I didn’t really get to say what I wanted to say, and the show sounded rough. I guess I have to keep in mind that after doing over 280 episodes, not all of them are going to be brilliant. That’s my OCD for you. Anyways, last nights show just felt off to me. On top of the spammer, then Ustream disconnects on us right when things got back on track. Few things in this world annoy me more than when I’m trying to do a show, and the technology we use has problems. I guess it was due time. We’ve had a great run on Ustream, and it’s been a while since it really fucked us like that. Nothing is perfect in this online world we live in, I just need to learn to accept it, deal with it, and move on. By the way, I’ve started recording our live shows on ustream again, so if you missed it, you can go back and check the archives of the main camera. Good stuff.

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Ep 286: Baby Shit Myself

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“I just gave birth to the newest cat toy.”

It’s very late on a Sunday night, so I’m going to keep this brief. We watched the movie Avatar today, and I have to say, this being my first 3D movie, I was very blown away by how beautiful it looked. Then again, if I spent around five hundred million dollars making a movie, I would hope that it looked amazing. I’m talking nothing short of the second coming of jesus fucking christ mind blowing here. In all honesty, it would have been nice to see an original idea, but who are we kidding anymore? We are to the point where we have pretty well exhausted all ideas ever. Unless you are sitting around doing massive amounts of DMT or mushrooms, or LSD, chances are, you aren’t going to come up with anything original. It is cool to see modern age takes on old ideas, especially with how far we’ve come with our technology. I was kind of pist that we had to sit in the second row back from the front, especially once the front row started to fill up with swine flu coughing, screaming, talking, annoying, smelly fucking kids. Oh well, you can’t win them all. If you could, life wouldn’t be near as fun or interesting. I have to say, in closing, a friend of mine on twitter had it right when he said it’s just a bunch of over grown smurfs. Minus the mushroom houses, and the stupid white hats. Plus, the female blue monkeys were really fucking hot. Was I the only one in the theater who kept trying to catch a glimpse of their blue titties and vaginal area? Of course not. You know you all were looking.

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Ep 285: Voodoo Doll

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“You couldn’t abort the antichrist.”

Welcome to part four of our series on why shit is all fucked up. In this part our focus will be religion. Say what you will about religion, but as far as being an efficacious way of controlling people, making money, getting people to believe in ridiculous ideas, and amassing large numbers, they are at the top of the scrotum pole. Religion is ruining the world in many ways. As much as I would like to thank them for helping control the population problem by making people kill others and themselves in the name of whatever god they have been brainwashed into believing in, I would just as soon live in a world where religion does not exist. Religion is a parasitic virus that spreads itself via old stale tradition, indoctrinating children before they have a chance to see truth for themselves, giving people a scapegoat to place their responsibility on when they do fucked up stupid shit, and ruining the economy by taking billions upon billions of peoples hard earned money, and not paying any taxes on it. You take and take, and in return you give nothing more than a tired old belief system based on a fictitious character. Thanks religion!

I firmly believe that if the world started over, but this time there was no such thing as religion, we would be thousands of years ahead of where we are now. Think of all the precious knowledge we have lost over the ages due to religion. Think of all the brilliant minds that were put to death because of their beliefs, labeled as heretics and blasphemers. Then again, I’m sure if religion never existed, someone would come along at some point and time and create something else to scam people out of their minds and their money. It’s human nature, which goes back to our greed / money segment. But, if you were to take all these things together, get rid of money and religion at the same time, now you’re starting to fix some shit. Just think about all the hate in the world due to conflicting belief systems. It’s very unnecessary, and all it boils down to is who has the better invisible friend. Give it any other name than religion, and all you have is a bunch of crazy people down on their knees praying to the equally crazy voices in their heads. Don’t you find it mighty convenient that no one has witnessed a miracle since back in the biblical times? It’s appalling at how the country bends over backwards to accommodate such juvenile beliefs. It’s silly to the point of embarrassment.

You’ve all been fooled by the greatest scam this planet has ever seen. If you need proof, look no further than the hypocrisy that is bestowed any die hard religious follower. They preach love, peace and kindness, but are the first ones to cast stones the split second some idea doesn’t jive with their beliefs. In all honesty, don’t you think that if god really did exist, and the devil really did exist, when all these crazy people we read news stories about blame their outlandish behavior on, we don’t let them off? I mean surely it really was the devil telling them to murder and mutilate their families right? Surely it had to be the devil that told them to rape all those children right? Fuck no we don’t, we throw their crazy loony tune asses in jail, because that is completely ludicrous. Isn’t it just as silly that every Sunday they all flock to these multi million dollar buildings to give praise, read about, and pray to that very same deity? Then it’s ok, but as soon as you apply it to real world systems, it becomes complete and utter lunacy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if there really was a god out there who wanted us to believe in him, wouldn’t he give each generation a sign? I mean, if we were created in god’s image, then god knows we have rational, logically thinking, information hungry brains, which means he would also know that we are going to be the first to question when someone comes up to us preaching the existence of some higher power, but we have to blindly believe in this higher power without the tiniest sliver of tangible evidence in order to be saved from some type of eternal punishment? Everything our scientific minds have figured out about the world contradicts what the bible states to be final truth. Someone has to be lying here, who are you going to believe? On one side we have science, which has gotten us where we are today, has given us medical breakthrough after breakthrough, can make highly accurate predictions about the physical world we live in, and has given us all of the modern convenience we have become accustomed to, or religion, which has made people hate and kill other people who have conflicting belief systems, gives them a way out when they are ashamed to admit to doing something horrible, has brought down a whole lot of pointless bloodshed and suffering on humanity, the dark ages, and has made scum bags like Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton so popular. The choice is yours, please choose based on what your mind tells you to choose, not what you were scared into believing.

Which brings up my last point in this essay. Any organization that has to scare you into believing what it preaches, is not a good organization to begin with. There is a reason you are afraid you will go to hell if you don’t believe. There is a reason every single commandment starts out with the words “You shall FEAR and love god.” If they weren’t able to scare you into believing, all they would have is a silly children’s fairytale, and as we all know, when we grow up and become adults, we put away our childish things. Including our beliefs in the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and god. There is no heaven, there is no hell, there is no god, and there is no devil. These are all tools of the trade created to frighten you from the day you are born into believing a flawed system that has no other goal than to influence you in your day to day life, to get you to give them your hard earned money, and to build their numbers, just in case they have to start another holy war like they did back in the middle ages. The crusades was the equivalent of our modern day troops fighting a war with the Canadians because the Canadians don’t believe that Santa Claus really is the one who comes down the chimney on christmas eve to deliver presents to everyone. Sounds silly doesn’t it? That’s what your belief system sounds like to any rational, logically thinking person.

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Ep 283: The Chosen People

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“Nothing I like more than huffing nail polish fumes and listening to the 700 club.”

So I finally caught the first three episodes of this new phenomenon sweeping our nation called Jersey Shores. My first thought upon watching this Mtv amtrak trainwreck was holy fucking shit, are these people for real? I guess living in Montana for so long, I’ve been lucky enough to shelter myself from large cities where you might find these kinds of people. When I say people, trust me, I use the term in the loosest fashion. Now I have a couple of things here I want to say about this. First of all, I’m blown away that people like this actually exist, and have been able to survive on this planet long enough to actually become old enough to fuck chicks, thus in turn keeping the guido bloodline alive and well. It just goes to show you that in order to survive in our new modern age of convenience, you don’t need any rational thought whatsoever. Survival of the fittest has turned into survival of, I don’t even know what the fuck to call it.  All it takes is money, and these retards just so happen to be lucky enough to be born into families that seem to have money taken care of. It’s kind of like a lottery of sorts. The second thing I wanted to say about Jersey Shores is this. Does Mtv know people are watching this show solely to make fun of it? I mean, I understand that regardless of the reason behind why people watch, all that matters is that they are watching it, but could there possibly be people out there that watch this show because they are truly interested in this whole guido / guidette lifestyle? The simple fact that my spell check doesn’t understand these two words, and underlines them with the little red squiggly, makes me think that it’s just a stupid made up thing that will hopefully, go away with time. My main concern is that this doesn’t turn into another 8 mile problem. If you aren’t aware of the 8 mile effect, let me break it down for you real quick. When the movie 8 mile came out, it created with it a whole subset genre of kids who all of the sudden thought they could rap, and it flooded myspace and youtube with a shit ton of these untalented retards all trying to make it in the hip hop game. I really hope that Jersey Shores doesn’t create a subset culture of kids who think its cool to act like these gelled hair guido douche bags. Please, I like to think that kids have more sense than this, but history says otherwise. It’s things like this that make me think the whole 2012 thing might not be that far off. Don’t get me wrong, the world isn’t going to end because of a polar shift due to planetary alignment or anything silly like that, but it might end because of how many retards are running around fucking shit up. We are vastly approaching the point of no return, I only hope people can pull their heads out of their asses in time to see it.

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Ep 282: Rape Child

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“I can’t strip to this.”

There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is. Oh wait a minute, yes I do. I have a long list of shit that seriously needs to stop happening before we can continue to evolve as a society, as a species, and as individual human beings. First and foremost, this under age teen pregnancy shit has got to stop. There is nothing fun about having kids, unless you consider wrecking the holy fuck out of your twat / stomach / sex life / life in general, fun. Or spending over $10,000 in the first year alone, or waking up at all hours of the night to a screaming pile of tears, piss and shit fun. I don’t know what your definition of fun is, but that is not mine. I honestly don’t see the appeal of having to deal with something like that for the next 18 to 30 years of my life. No thanks. Honestly, I don’t think you could pay me enough money to deal with that type of shit. Plus, have you seen how many people we have managed to pack onto this little planet of ours? We are almost at seven BILLION people! That is completely fucking ridiculous and unacceptable. We have gotten lazy, fat, apathetic, and pathetic as a culture, and the more time goes by, the more we are showing signs of these sad physical and mental problems. Every day I’m out in the thick of it, dealing with these fucking retards, and I see that look of self entitlement on the faces of damn near every person I pass by, and it makes me want to punch them right in their stolid smug faces. Perhaps it’s more blatant up here in the Flathead Valley because there is such a strong, blind religious following. These people love to breed uncontrollably, are against abortion, are the biggest self righteous hypocrites you’ll ever cross paths with, and above all else, place the blame for their fucked up lives not on themselves, but on their made up invisible friends. If life is good, then it’s god making it good and answering their prayers. If life is shit, then it’s satan fucking with them. I love this valley a lot. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived, but the people here leave much to be desired, both on an intellectual level, and on a nice human being level. Tune in next episode as we continue to go through the list of why shit is all fucked up. This is chapter one.

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Ep 281: Sexcapades

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“That’s one of the fringe benefits of being a homo is punching bitches.”

Every now and then there comes a time when bitches go and over step their boundaries. This has happened twice before in Jamhole history, where we actually took notice enough to put the call out to all Jamholians, to put a bitch in their place. Well, it’s happened again. The first time I can remember was a crazy stalker ex boyfriend of a girl I had some interest in a long time ago, the second time was a crazy psycho dead beat dad ex of a girl a friend of the show was dating. Well, this time it was neither a male, nor an ex of anyone. Basically, to sum up the story Danni told on the show here, some bitch found some pictures of Danni and put them up on 4chan (they have since been removed), along with Danni’s myspace and phone number stating that she was lonely. The pictures were apparently from when Danni was dating this guy a long time ago, and I guess that was enough to make this bitch freak the fuck out when she found them. I’m not sure why this guy still has pictures of Danni, and that really is neither here nor there. This is where you guys come in. We think it would be a good idea for you all to call up this fat fuck troll named Heather and let her know that putting people’s information on the internet without justifiable cause is not ok. Her phone number is 941.914.0502. You can text her pictures of your penis, or poop, call her, leave her messages, and basically get the point across that until she calls our voicemail line at 406.204.4687 with an apology, this will not stop. Feel free to make a craigslist posting, subscribe her to whatever sms services you can find, etc… Be creative. If there is one thing you are all good at, it’s teaching a lesson to stupid fat fuck pigs like Heather… And Heather, if you are reading this, all you have to do to make this stop is call 406.204.4687 and apologize. Once you do that, you can go back to your shitty life, stuffing your fat face with twinkies and ding dongs, or whatever it is you fat fucks stuff your fat faces with these days. Thank you.

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